Still chugging along. Found out H is taking some of his mom's stuff from her house since they are cleaning it out and he is storing it at OW's house. My sixth sense tells me he is using her, but it's not my problem.
I was rewarded with a nice raise at work, so that's a positive. I will need everything I can get. Lol! On another interesting note I called the appraiser to come out and look out at the house. H wanted to do it tomorrow since we have a mediation appointment anyway. I told H that it was too short notice and I couldn't take more time off this week. He wasnt happy that I didn't give in but I stuck to my guns. He then told me to have the appraiser come in next week and when I reminded him he was going to be gone he said he didn't have to be there. That seems odd to me. Why wouldn't he want to be there? And when the appraiser talked to me he was a little upset with H. Apparently H told his lawyer that the appraiser had not contacted H yet and so H's lawyer contacted the appraiser asking why he hadn't contacted H? I told the appraiser that H was supposed to contact him, not the other way around. The appraiser said that's what he thought to but was glad I confirmed it.
Glad I am not the only one who sees this stuff.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
As long as one of you are present during the appraisal, that should be fine. You may need to remind the appraiser that he will need to send a copy of the report to your h. Be sure you get a copy for your records!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Mediation today went surprisingly well. H looked tired and overwrought. He had some ideas to which I had doubts and was fully open that I was uncomfortable with them. Long story short he caved in to what I wanted and I compromised too. I think we have a good resolution and the mediator was impressed. It felt good coming to a conclusion we both we comfortable with and yet I didn't let him bulldoze me and yet I was respectful and considerate of what his wishes as well.
I think I had a moment of full detachment. I looked at him at mediation and thought I don't really know this man anymore. I can be civil with him and co-parent with him without being bossed and bullied. It felt like freedom and suddenly I felt like I would be okay. I will be fine.
Hope this lasts. But right now I am okay.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, I'm glad the mediation went well. Stay positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So things have been quiet for a while. H tried to get me back on the roller coaster though. Yesterday he rented a trailer and took S up north to pick up some things at his mom's house which he was storing at OW's house. Before he left he asked if I knew what was going on. I told him yes. He says well you know OW is going to be there, right? I said no S said she wasn't going to be home. H says well she lives there so she will be there so I just walked away. He said that isnt going to be a problem is it? I said yes it is a problem because S isn't supposed to be around OW (court ordered). He said well what do you want me to do? I said that's up to you. You know the rules. He went on and on and I finally said if you are looking for me to tell you its okay and that I give you permission it's not going to happen. He throws up his hands and says I guess they will just not see each other.
Today he calls me and tells me I have to reschedule S's counseling session since he can't make it and he wants to be there. I told H it's just for S and the counselor and parents do not get involved. He says I need to cancel the appointment and I am not to schedule new appointments until I clear it with him and I give him multiple options for the appointments. I tell him I am not cancelling anything and he tells me then he will cancel it for me. I try to explain that he counselor wanted to meet with S in two weeks and that was the only appointment for a month. But of course you can't argue with a crazy person. So I just said goodbye and I hung up.
H is also freaking out a bit because last weekend he left check stubs and deposit slips of checks he received and did not deposit into our joint checking account but his own account. He realized his error and asked if I saw them and I just acted like I didn't know what he was talking about.
I am wondering if something happened to flip the switch or if he is just grasping for control? But again I am letting him control how I feel because I am worries this is going to look bad on my part. All I want is to get my son the help he needs and all H is doing is standing in the way.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wishing, it's no fun. But is H standing in the way? I don't think he's being reasonable, but is it just standing in the way? Or is that he is trying to be part of what's on with S in a clumsy way?
Just asking...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks AJM. Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt but just from past history it would seem he is just trying to cause roadblocks. He tells me I cannot make an appointment unless I clear it with him first and make sure it fits into his schedule. I don't know how I am supposed to accomplish that. I think he is just being a bully.
Went to my first Divorcecare class tonight and the topic was anger (how appropriate). I need to just let this go. I called S's counselor to get her thoughts. If The appointment gets cancelled then it gets cancelled. I will let H call the counselor and explain it to her.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, It sounds to me like he's trying to control the situation by stating he wants you to cancel the appointment and any further appointments are to be run by him. I would not cancel the appointmnent. However, I would discuss with the counselor about having a father/son session and see what the counselor says.
Sometimes mlcers see things in a different light, but he could very well be thinking that if your son can't be around the ow, then he can't be around a counselor. Your h could also be afraid of what your son may tell the counselor...but who knows what is going on in his mind these days.
I would be very surprised if the appointment gets cancelled.
BTW, I'm glad you stood your ground about your son being around the ow.
I hope that you are doing something fun this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Enjoy the hayride and the pumpkin patch. I just came from one myself. The weather is absolutely beautiful w/the changing of the leaves as a backdrop.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
