Your previous thread, and this one have raised some powerful issues - I believe as we live authentically we become our own person once more. That phrase is so easy to write and so hard to do though.
As to closure. Yes, I spent a long long time really wanting it, and I believe I needed it. But it is very clear that I am not going to get it from my xh, and so we have to find ways of creating it.
The technique of writing our MLC spouse a letter or series of letters about how we feel - what we feel about their actions, how we miss them how they hurt and impoverished us . . . .anything really, and then we write the response we would want to have from them, acknowledging our hurt, and so on.
It doesn't heal us totally, but it goes a long way to soothing us because by writing out our hurt we are telling them. I think journalling is a part of that, and I no longer journal.
I felt as if I lost a part of my own soul when my xh walked on on me and the family. It felt as if I was diminished by his not being around, not being a part of who I was. It is a terrible thing to lose someone you love and value, and if it is a loss by personality change and infidelity it seems even harder.
But I think that learning to give ourselves closure is a part of acceptance, that it has happened, and that most of them stay out there, lost and broken. There is nothing we can do except to tend to ourselves and those we love and who love us. And become the best person we can be.
