You're right we DON'T know - we have to think like stockbrokers "Past performance is no guarantee of future return, shares can go up as well as down" sort of thing.
AND
Your H is right too "You never give me a chance" I haven't in the past. That's why I want to be different this time. It's the only way things will find a balance in our relationship. I'm just finding it hard to remain leaned back (responsive rather than leading)
Sometimes I could say "you know what H? I haven't spent any time with you since early June and I am fine. Yes, I miss your company, yes I wanted our marriage to go the distance but I am fine without you in my life."
He messed up - booking that trip mid May for USA sailing in Aug and didn't tell me til early Jul - not turning up on our anniversary (mid Jul) to go away for a long w/e that had been pre-paid - coming over before USA trip saying he wanted to come home and then on return not contacting me early Sep
Every one of those actions pushed me further away from wanting to save my marriage. The no-show really did it for me so that I was less receptive to reconciling when he came over but I fell into a virtual relationship while he was away and then his no contact on return blew me away. I'm a person not an option.
I don't know why I wrote all that down but it helped to. I need to be really careful around him because I'll get on that boo-hoo ride if I'm not. That's the major reason why I can't lead and I have to keep that in mind. If he wants US, he has to demonstrate that is what he wants.
Thanks too for 180 test. No initiating for 7 days. I can do this!
The only doubt I have is that he will think I don't care anymore but that's based on what I think when I don't hear from him. But looking at that - creating a feeling of insecurity in him is what we're looking for isn't it? And knowing I am fine - nothing changes in me whether he text or not - will help me stay the course.
