How remorseful has your H been after he was caught cheating?
He was very remorseful, and he's expressed that a few times including in our sessions. I've never seen him be so humble. He says he made a bad mistake and feels sorry, low about himself and more sorry that I'm hurting so much. However, naturally he doesn't bring it up and I don't unless we're in an argument and I feel like he's being unnecessarily mean. Inside I feel like, are you serious? I know it sounds immature but I feel like he should be doing everything he can to be kind right now. I'm sure I'm going to need to forgive him for us and for me as another poster mentioned. I just don't like it!
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I think to a certain degree you haven't forgiven him for what he's done and he wasn't ready to come back. It sounds like the two of you hadn't done the one thing that makes DB work and that is to change.
You're absolutely right about me not forgiving. I also haven't changed, which I regret - and this was somewhat of a wake up call again, for me. I don't know if he was ready to come home, I assumed he was because he kept trying, but I don't know how I'd really know that. He was living outside on our deck! He has changed somewhat, I have to say, although much of our dynamic (fighting) hasn't. He's an open book as far as passwords, emails, phone, and tries to show me in his actions that he cares (helps more around the house, cooks me dinner, etc).
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Seems like the two of you continue to push each other's buttons, although you are trying, it doesn't seem like he "gets it". He feels like you're not respecting him which you feel he doesn't deserve because of his A.
I hate to say a lot of this is me, but it is. He is no angel, his attitude (esp right now!) really can be trying and this silent treatment and sleeping outside again is ridiculous. But I have a lot of work to do on me in the "going on and on" department. If nothing else, I heard what he said this time - it certainly got my attention!
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When was the last time the two of you actually had "fun" together? Have you looked into Retrouvaille? It looks like your situation would be perfect for it.
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We go hiking a lot and out to dinner, movies, stuff like that. We do laugh a lot which I love, but lately we've been around each other a ton, probably too much. I'm trying to get out a little more, and clearly he's avoiding me. I still don't know if he's serious about leaving, but at this point - I'm getting tired of hearing it and reacting again and again, so this time - I'm doing nothing about it. I've already sincerely apologized for my part, I offered him a ride to work yesterday, and both were met with silence. I'm being nice enough without interacting.
I don't know what Retrouvaille is but I am about to look into it - thank you for your suggestion...
