Hello all, last thread wracked up to 10 pages lickity split. Time for a new one.
Yesterday I was thinking about things, and wondering why I still feel this need to connect with XH. Im aware that the kind of relationship I need and want he will NEVER be able to provide. He hasn't for years, why would he do it now?
Then it dawned on me. I don't think Im really longing for a connection, but what Im really longing for is CLOSURE.
With MLC (which Im convinced is middle aged ONSET nacissism.. MY OPINION ONLY) unless they do come through the tunnel, closure will never happen. How can closure happen if they never really cut those apron strings in the first place? Consistently flip flop between acting out love and hate towards us? I mean for crying out in the night, no wonder we live in a state of hell for so long!
So, through all the grief, letting go, getting a life, and rebuilding ourelves, I think it's really up to us to create our own closure.
Closure is being able to say your sorry, and acknowledge wrong doings that contributed to problems. Truly having some respect for the other when you part ways, and striving to part on good terms. Summarizing your relationship and realizing it's not working, on both parts.
Closure is not pointing the finger and blaming the other for the unhappiness and misery. It's not making a laundry list of everything you've done wrong in the last 20 years till present and when offered a sincere apology from the other just shrugging it off and not even acknowledging the apology. It is not cake eating and jumping back and forth over that fence testing which grass is greener. It is not giving a day or two of emotional availability, or physical availability, then be completely unaccessible for any given time.
So here's to all us LBS's that have lived through the MLC hell and continue to keep putting one foot infront of the other. Through all the destruction and chaos we are left to sift through, may we find the true diamond in the rough.
Ourselves.
And in finding ourselves, we create the closure we need.
