What should I do? Which technique to use?

[jzoom]

Talked with the mutual friend who had a conversation with my gf. This friend is going to school for physcology so while not a therapist yet it's not a complete guess on my part.

Last Sun when I gave my girl the ILYBINILWY talk she told me she felt like dieing and the only think keeping her going is her kids. Friend talked to her and my gf told her she is depressed and has been for awhile and just doesn't believe that I understand that. GF told her that she doesn't have motivation to do anything, that she just wants to sit around like a blob and only reason she gets going and does anything is for the kids. GF said that she really cares about me and wants to work on things but just fears we are too different, too many different interests, and I don't accept her. She expressed how happy she was that I tore up the notice to get out and let her use the car. GF said some of her guy friends are acting weird now and her family just keeps pushing her to leave me.

GF also admitted that she hasn't felt well and believes there might be a medical reason for her low libido. Coupled with the depression it makes sense. GF is looking towards me to show that I really want her for her.

GF was complimentary of how nice I've been since the blow-up and was just shocked how things leading up to that night, and that night, mirrored the end of her last marriage. So I agree with people here, she did "more of the same" with me to get the same kind of reaction as her last husband and I hope now she's thinking about it some.

Basically, my friend said that there is hope. She said that GF started to soften up as they talked and even said how she wanted to get off the phone before I got home from work b/c we had the night together...and that was a good night, it was the Wed where she had dinner for me and I took the lead with the kids so she could do homework.

I cracked open DR and read the special parts about passion meltdown and dealing with a depressed spouse. I've been depressed myself and I'm approaching her with understanding instead of anger or resentment. It's tough financially (and yes, I realize that there is still a chance I am being taken advantage of) but I'm being supportive however I am capable of. Friend also told me that "Words of Affirmation" is up there in her LL b/c of the way the conversation went. So I'm focusing on "Acts of Service" and "Words of Affirmation" while I "Act As If" around her. GF said things have been better so I'm going to keep the positive changes going.