The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

well..the weekend is here and they are so hard for me:( Im having a bad morning already, as I had a vivid dream that H was back home where he should be. My D has her first homecoming dance tonight and she is very excited! Im happy for her too...she will look beautiful and will have a great time...but her dad will not be here to see her:( He took her to her very first dance years ago...the father daughter dance...now she is so grown up. Events like this make me sad...but I know this is his choice and he is missing out, not me. I just dont know how Im supposed to handle the holidays around the corner...they are going to be so hard.

H had originally told the kids that he would be here on Christmas morning, but that isnt happening. Guess I will worry about that closer to the time. Right now my worries are the court date to finalize the seperation and that it goes smoothly. He has shown no effort to want to stop the seperation, so I have to move forward.

As far as the texts to me and Ds, he did text them last night and tell them he loved them...maybe that was his way of apologizing?? They were both out with friends and didnt think too much about it.

I am hoping that I can get through this weekend with a smile on my face...it seems to be getting harder rather than easier. I think that in the beginning, I was hopeful that he would come to his senses and change his mind...but now, the farthur along this goes and the more time that passes, I really think that he is done and moving on. I hope Im wrong and one day he wants to come back and be with his family, but honestly, he is sooo distant now that I think he really is at a point of no return. Its been 4 weeks now that he came back and begged me for another chance and I put the conditions on it and he said no. I guess that was my last shot at R according to him:(

Just kinda negative and sad today...