About to separate....

[mamabird]

Is there a way to start filling her love tank on the sly? How does she need to be loved? If it's acts of service, like it is for many women, you might be in luck because you can do helpful things without pressure or being in her face.

My H's is physical affection. Somehow I have been able to get him to accept that from me and it has made a really big difference.

Give her time and space. Eventually life will catch up w her and she will come back to you needing something, some kind of support. When she does, you have to be rock solid. For now, smile, be supportive and loving, but let her run the show.

[dorightman]

After putting the kids to bed, I dressed up and told my w I'm going out, she got upset, said "you didn't tell me earlier you had plans, where are you going?" I said I'm going out, what does it matter to you, you want a divorce. I'll be back in a few hours. She said "your taking this to a new level". I said I'll be back in a few hours. I had a hard time not smiling because of her reaction. Hoping this new gal behavior will have a positive effect on our sitch. I'm going to continue this for a month to see if makes a difference or not. I just hope it doesn't backfire me.

[unbidden]

I don't know if this really is GALing. It sounds like you directly taunted her and that really doesn't seem cool.

[dorightman]

That wasn't my intention.

[mamabird]

Let us know what she says tomorrow! If she asks, let her know you enjoyed yourself, even if you didn't. But don't rub it in, just be casual about it.

[unbidden]

I hear ya. Just trying to raise the issue so you could think about it.

[mamabird]

What did she say when you got home?

[dorightman]

She asked me this morning how my night was, I said fun. Then after breakfast in the car with the kids she said we have to have a talk. I said ok. She said it was unloving of me to do what I did last night, we just got a new puppy and she said it was insensitive of me to just leave her and the kids with the new puppy. Also, she asked me how I would feel if she just got dressed up and left me with the kids at night without telling me where she was going and no preparation. I said she walls me off, tells me to give her space every night and it wouldn't make much of a difference. I said I was only gone for a few hours. I was trying to give her space. She's in a crappy mood today and I can feel her coldness. She's looking at the attractive young men out on the street while we're driving. I'm just maintaining my calm and trying not to get affected. I want to continue my goal of one month of this detached, no kisses/hugs, taking care of myself routine to see if it will have a positive effect on her. The balance of tough love is very difficult, I hate the game I have to play, but nothing I've done so far has changed our sitch. I love her so much and I hope this will work for us.

[dorightman]

Does anyone have an opinion of how I acted? Am I on the right track? I do feel conflicted about all of this.

[dorightman]

How could I have done better?