Rough, I think you're getting there but you may be a bit afraid of really naming your fears. I think sometimes we carry an idea from childhood that if we name our fears, they will come true.
Balderdash! (love that word)
My fears were: 1) H wouldn't come back. He hasn't, I've managed to survive and thrive. 2) No one would ever love me again. Lots of people love me, I have great friends who love me warts and all. I'm not the same person H fell in love with, actually I am a better person. I love me, and that's the most important. I may have a R with a man in the future, who knows. It's not important right now. 3) My sons would hold a grudge as they might see me as the person responsible for their Dad leaving. My sons and I have forged much deeper Rs since the S. As I've become a better person, I've become a better mother. 4) I would be a woman of a certain age all alone. This one still gets to me on occasion but for the most part, I'm fine. We've been S for 18 mos and there are definitely some positives. I get lonely at times but then I shake myself and find something to do.
My IC helped me work through these, and she has been relentless in asking the right questions.
What I've learned. Fear is a part of this and not to be ignored or quashed. It has little to do with someone else making us scared because the fear is within us. Once you face that and deal with it, life gets easier.
Write out your fears and follow them to their end point. Uncover why you have that fear. If you have an IC enlist their help with this.
I just had a phone call from a friend who visited the Grand Canyon today-they left quickly because she couldn't stand to look over the edge. We're much the same, it's difficult to look over the edge into the unknown because our fear takes over.
Be brave, walk to the edge and look over.
Sometimes I read these posts and I think to myself, wow, there’s amazing people here. Just the thought of all these caring people can get me choked up at times.
