So yesterday I was trying to make space on my smartphone because the phone memory was running out. I don't know what I did but all my text messages got deleted. This included over 2750 texts between H and I since July 2011.
At first I felt really disappointed and sad that all that communication had been wiped but then I felt kind of free. Why was I hanging onto that stuff - it was past.
I used to read those strings of texts, looking for hope but it's actions not words that count, right?
So now H & I have a new conversation to have. We are no longer in any of those times - we are in the Now and what happens now will be different to all those other times.
Text Updates Thursday Came home and more mail arrived for H and as he should be heading back south this weekend. I decided to mention this mountain of stuff that needs dealing with.
ME - Hi H, didn't want to ask before but when are you coming back this way, as there's this xxx here that needs to be done by month end? I'd like to discuss it with you.
H (later) - Hi Tumbling, I will be back home Saturday night xx
Me - Ok wishing you a safe drive back x
H - Thank-you Tumbling x
Pls note that this ^^^^^ was written by memory as I dont have our history anymore.
I thought about replying you're welcome but decided it was unnecessary. I felt weird reading "home" because home is where I live not that room on the base...but I decided it was just a figure of speech.
Friday I thought I'd go dark for the day Nothing from H either!
Saturday - it's 1245hrs here Nothing from either of us.
I know he's driving and it's ok that he hasn't been in contact. I trust that he will get in contact again when he wants to.
What's shifted for me is that I am not judging his texting/not texting. I think that really helps detach from things and just accept the "isness" without getting stressed about it. It is what it is and that's all - no negative meaning for Tumbling to get insecure about
Planned GAL activities this weekend: This afternoon - cinema, spanish homework, update my blog, long bath
Tomorrow - Sunday - the day I associate spending with H because that's how it's been since he left if we were going to see each other. Afternoon with gf: we're going out to lunch followed by walk if weather good or movie at home if not.
Wishing everyone a great w/e
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
