Hello! 20 year marriage teetering on the brink...

[Wendylon]

Now there have been some MLC signs- she dieted and lost about 20 pounds, she started wearing sexier underwear, changed her hair style a bit.

Did your W start these changes before or after BD? I imagine before if you noticed the sexier underwear. I'm close to her in age and trying to put myself in her shoes. I don't quite get the motivation yet.

that's kind of what I was thinking is now and then just show some small indication that the interest is still there without making her feel pressure.

I think that sounds perfect. You're always really clear when you point out that detachment doesn't mean being cold. I'm sure that you can communicate your interest without pressuring your W.

As someone else said, I find you really clear and insightful both when writing about your own sitch and when commenting on others' sitches. I suspect that your hunches as to what to do will be spot on.

I learn a lot from following your posts. Thank you very much and good luck in your sitch.