Riding the Bull

[Arsene]

Arsene,

I have two competing thoughts and impressions. On one hand, I think there's value to what the guys are saying about how you are interpreting her decent behavior or niceness, as progress AND you are probably enabling her to not rely on OM for much. There is an upside to you being there for him instead of OM

but there's also a chance for OM to fail her, which you may be preventing.

OTOH

I also sense actual signs of confusion on her end. Like she IS second guessing her choices. Too many of her comments suggest serious reconsideration and it does not seem ALL like it's just her being nice to you. Is it progress or confusion?

Thanks 25. I guess that regardless of which way I look at it, my course of action remains the same. I'm going to go on with my plan of action for 90 days (75 left) and re-assess things then. What I will change is how available I am to her. I also think there is much value in what the guys are saying and I think the time has come for me to do this. Now, she has seen the man I am becoming and she will have a reason to miss me. This will also help me detach and hopefully stop being affected by her every move.

But you're right NOT to jump at that. Take it slow, stay detached as best you can. Let her make a clear choice to reconcile or at least to piece.

Let her make the move.

Yes. I think I can be cool-headed enough to do this. I do get excited inside when I see "progress" but I think that so far, I've been able to keep my "poker face" on when she's around.

But don't "wait" for her. If she keeps on rambling with her regrets, and you wonder if she's sending out a signal, ASK her where she's going with it. Not b/c you are jumping at the chance for a recon, but b/c you're not clear (if you aren't).

Nothing wrong with telling her YOU are not sure what YOU want now, b/c things are different.

That's not punitive or a game. It's real b/c you said you don't know how you feel about her right now. That's just a result of this ordeal/journey.

Yeah, I've thought about that but I think it's still too early for me to ask too much. She has mentioned that it was "just whingeing" when she thanked me for listening so that is what she wants me to make of it for now. I'll leave it at that. No matter what, I know that it's still going to be a long time before any real progress so I'm settling myself on the back of that bull and trying to make it as comfortable as possible.

Kudos to you for not forgetting your own work too. Keep it up.

Thanks to you and the fine folks around here for keeping me in line.

ps

we lived in Texas for 7 years...riding the bull for 8 seconds is the goal.

You did a full minute?!!

Dang, You missed your calling!

I don't think I could do this for a living but it sure beats DBing.