Just a quick quip from purgatory

[AJM]

Hey RT. Honestly, after reading that, I think you're getting in touch with the anger more than before I also suspect some of the pain is self-inflicted in that you're holding back. I sense some stress from holding it back in other words.

I'm not suggesting you unleash or get violent. I'm just point it out.

I think I saw a few other things to work on in there. The loneliness. The anger at yourself seems like you may be taking more of the issues than are yours. Still.

I think that holding back on telling her to let you go is causing some stress too, but I really applaud the part about promising yourself you won't do that while in this state of mind. It tells me you are not crazy which is a good thing and a real danger.

Sounds like your kids still need some help with things though. That concerns me too. What are your options there? Are they picking up on your pain and echoing it? Possibly?

Good for you for standing up to her. I suggest you do more of that and rather than make an excuse, just be honest next time. You're not interested in being spoken to by her like that. And end the call. You have enough going on, dude. You felt good about it because it was standing up for yourself and you should do that. Do more of it

Oh, and don't ask if she'll be more considerate. There's really no point to that. Really. He really has nothing to with you except that he's likely your opposite.

Last thought. You are angry at yourself for being lazy prior to the wife popping chute. Is it possible there's more to that dynamic than you just being lazy? What was her part in that? I ask, because I thought like that for a while. I realized later that the dynamic was different than I thought and while I dislike my reaction (and therefore changed it), it wasn't just about me. My ex was very manipulative but I think it was at a very deep level vs overt. I don't know that she knew she was contributing to it in that way. Seriously. But I'm curious...

As for school. Get your head straight. Everything else needs to occur, but so does school.

AJ