So, essentially, what I've been telling him for years--that he needs to get some help for his depression--was correct. Heather
Yes this is true but also understand that the depression is also just one ingredient in this storm. So even if he was on antidepressants he would not be cured. It would just be another mask and he still would need to go through this process.
Silent Sons is an excellent book and I would highly recommend it also. If I can find my book review for it I will post a link.
"The counseling session went well. She seems ok for today. Doesn't want to file a police report but wants to confront boy via phone and tell him she want's nothing further to do with him--She agreed to go to the doctor."
H asked "For what?"
I simply responded "STD's" and he responded "OK"
Then H texted asking about her grades abt ten min later.
I responded "Some."
Nothing else so far.
Sound OK? He seemed like he was trying to connect some last night and I don't want to give the impression I'm pursuing or trying to keep it going.
Focusing on myself and the girls for this minute!
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
He actually takes an AD but it's obviously not enough. H has more problems than just the MLC/depression and the drugs, and it's his responsibility to face these issues. I've made it way to easy for him to ignore it all because of my fear of him abandoning me.
A silver lining!!!! I don't have to worry about him abandoning me anymore! He did. I'm still alive.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Lois, He may not be taking the AD's now because of the drugs, etc. He may think that the drugs are taking care of his issues.
Please keep your focus on you and most importantly your daughter. She's going to need all of your support right now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A silver lining!!!! I don't have to worry about him abandoning me anymore! He did. I'm still alive.
Exactly! I found myself becoming more and more fearless after my marriage broke up. After all, the worst that could happen HAD happened - and I was still standing. New boyfriend breaks up with me? No problem - small potatoes after my marriage breaking up. Get up on stage in front of hundreds of people playing the drums in a rock band? Why not - what's the worst that could happen, they don't like me? Big deal!
You can use this energy to break through all kinds of self-imposed boundaries that have been holding you back.
Its so weird that you mention playing the drums. I have wanted to play the drums forever. I even had my daughter take lessons and lived vicariously. I want to be able to play Lenny Kravitz "Are you gonna go my way." You play in a band? Awesome.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
The last Christmas before my ex moved out (I made him stay through the holidays for the kids' sake) they had these super-cheap drum kits at Costco, so I told him that was what he was buying me for Xmas.
I was 53, that was 3 1/2 years ago. It was the best therapy ever (although I did NOT follow the advice of one girlfriend, who thought I should paste photos of my ex onto the drum heads lol). Now I play in an amateur rock band (maybe not so amateur since a local bar just invited us back for some real gigs). I started through an adult rock program (think "School of Rock" for grownups) and I've been playing with the same guys for 2 years now. We play mostly 90's and later rock (Florence and the Machine, the Hives, Green Day, etc) plus some 80's punk (Ramones, Joan Jett, X, Social Distortion).
You totally should go for it! I found it is actually physically impossible to be unhappy when you are drumming Highway to Hell
Now I play in an amateur rock band (maybe not so amateur since a local bar just invited us back for some real gigs). I started through an adult rock program (think "School of Rock" for grownups) and I've been playing with the same guys for 2 years now. We play mostly 90's and later rock (Florence and the Machine, the Hives, Green Day, etc) plus some 80's punk (Ramones, Joan Jett, X, Social Distortion).
Hi kml, It sounds like you're having a lot of fun in your band. Got any Utube videos?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
So, essentially, what I've been telling him for years--that he needs to get some help for his depression--was correct. Heather
Yes this is true but also understand that the depression is also just one ingredient in this storm. So even if he was on antidepressants he would not be cured. It would just be another mask and he still would need to go through this process.
Silent Sons is an excellent book and I would highly recommend it also. If I can find my book review for it I will post a link.
Cadet is right paxil actually kicked my wife over the edge -- the more I live this I see this really has nothing to do with us - they just think it's us !!
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Interesting ^^^...In both phases of my W's mlc, especially the infidelity part, she was a few months into effexor...turned off her empathy chip....really badly this second go around, even empathy for the kids. When she stopped, things started changing for the better after a couple of months. It would be an interesting study to see any co-incidence.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
