Believe me, I know!! I've never had much patience.
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I started to pursue and he pulled back!
Yup, that's usually what happens!
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I felt so good on Sunday after he told me he hoped it was not too late, then I crashed because he has not wanted to talk!
Don't worry about it, he's confused right now. You'll hear a lot of contradictory things from him. Just expect it and try not to react much to it.
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I keep thinking the OW is telling him what to do!
Don't let your imagination ruin your day!
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It feels so fake to me to act like a happy family when all I want to do is scream and shake him and say u are so stupid you are giving up every thing for a women who is not even leaving her husband for you, your living with your mom and now you hardly see your boys! What is wrong with you!!
LOL! Oh if only we could wake our spouses up so easily! But we can't. They're in a fog, and only they can find their way out. Some get there quickly, others take months or years and others never do emerge. All we can do is be patient and work on ourselves.
I too have seen lots of confused messages from my H. He is involved w OW and is convinced he loves her. Nothing I can say or do seems to snap him out of his perception of his reality.
I guess that "be the better choice" option is the only thing I have to work towards...and I don't know what advice to give you except to keep a PMA (easier said than done, I know).
Time will tell. Everything I've read about EA/PA tells me that eventually MOST will run their course and hopefully they will "fizzle out." It is very hard to imagine that H could give her up, but in is out of my control, so I have to trust that Michele is her DB/DR books knows what she's talking about, along w all the Vets here!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Not sure if this will help, but we all know that we are working on ourselves to be the better choice. I now there is nothing I can do about my W's choices right now. You just have to hope that when you are ready to move on it won't be too late. I would also like to think just approaching the point of moving on will have some influence in the end of the A. So the better we apply the things we learn, and the more we can detach, the faster we can get to our happy places.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
"I would also like to think just approaching the point of moving on will have some influence in the end of the A. So the better we apply the things we learn, and the more we can detach, the faster we can get to our happy places."
HOw does your S perceive you are moving on, w or w/o her? I am worried the message I would send by "putting on a happy face" when he's around is that I'm happy w/o him, so go ahead and have a good life w OW.
I wish there was a magic formula/pattern for As--so I'd be able to follow the progress through this.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I agree turtlegirl I think he will see me "happy" and think she does not need me! He just left. He came by to get stuff for hunting trip for tommorrow I asked him yo stay for dinner, he did. Then we watched a tv show, we were alone he never said a word about us. Then said I guess I will go "home" get ready for bed. That hurt, he was home. Then he left, didn't try to hug or kiss me, just said talk to you later and left...
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
It certainly isn't going to make them come back. I tried that, she still left. What is left to do, get happy and move on to the point where I am ready to have a healthy, happy R. Hopefully with my wife, if not then someone else.
Put yourself in their shoes for a minute. They believe that what they are doing is right. Who I am to tell someone else that what they believe is wrong.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I too have seen lots of confused messages from my H. He is involved w OW and is convinced he loves her. Nothing I can say or do seems to snap him out of his perception of his reality.
I guess that "be the better choice" option is the only thing I have to work towards...and I don't know what advice to give you except to keep a PMA (easier said than done, I know).
Time will tell. Everything I've read about EA/PA tells me that eventually MOST will run their course and hopefully they will "fizzle out." It is very hard to imagine that H could give her up, but in is out of my control, so I have to trust that Michele is her DB/DR books knows what she's talking about, along w all the Vets here!
Turtlegirl, I feel the same...my H didn't say he "loves" the OW but he said he liked her more right now before....and he kept giving me confused messages too...well, when we were still talking....I have a hard time imagining him giving up the OW too... and I know it's out of my control... gosh, i'm glad this place exists. I have a bit more courage to stay strong after I read these posts
And ready2quit, be strong! I know it's hard and I cry so much myself, but I'm feeling stronger already! The advices here are very helpful!
I agree turtlegirl I think he will see me "happy" and think she does not need me! He just left. He came by to get stuff for hunting trip for tommorrow I asked him yo stay for dinner, he did. Then we watched a tv show, we were alone he never said a word about us. Then said I guess I will go "home" get ready for bed. That hurt, he was home. Then he left, didn't try to hug or kiss me, just said talk to you later and left...
I feel you....Last time I saw H, he said " yeah I think i'm gonna go now" and...it hurt so bad. It's like we were never married... and he didn't appreciate me visiting him, trying to make him feel good ( although, i'm sure I didn't make him feel that good....) And then I felt sad, and looked sad..said something not so great...and he completely shut me off his life now. So..I'm glad you didn't make my mistake!
It's like we were never married... and he didn't appreciate me visiting him, trying to make him feel good ( although, i'm sure I didn't make him feel that good....)
My sitch is quite fresh, but I already tasted that same feeling a couple days ago. I've offered her dinner(proper) several times, only one time I got a couple pizza slices at her place after her -family- offered(because she didn't). Next time she was at my place she asked if she could get some left overs as she hadn't eaten all day and after all I owed her(for the pizza). A bit trivial, but so out of character. It's like they change to a completely different person on several levels.
I try to think that they are in a strange place with a lot of emotions, and even though they initiated this they still have some fears and get scared off easily. Maybe it's a shield they put up? Maybe they don't want to send too much good vibes our way out of fear we will misinterpret?
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
My sitch is quite fresh, but I already tasted that same feeling a couple days ago. I've offered her dinner(proper) several times, only one time I got a couple pizza slices at her place after her -family- offered(because she didn't). Next time she was at my place she asked if she could get some left overs as she hadn't eaten all day and after all I owed her(for the pizza). A bit trivial, but so out of character. It's like they change to a completely different person on several levels.
I try to think that they are in a strange place with a lot of emotions, and even though they initiated this they still have some fears and get scared off easily. Maybe it's a shield they put up? Maybe they don't want to send too much good vibes our way out of fear we will misinterpret?
Yeah...it's like they changed completely! I was wondering too, I felt like my H didn't want to give out good vibes....I guess they are confused.... but I just can't imagine that they care about us anymore I guess at this point, we should mind read so much.....(can't help it yet though) I was apparently bad at this.... And my H says one thing and does another right now....
I don't know about your sitch much yet, will go read later. But I think it's good she still talks to you! My H wouldn't talk to me in any way now...
I guess at this point, we should mind read so much.....(can't help it yet though) I was apparently bad at this.... And my H says one thing and does another right now....