Yet I know I don't want a divorce, not really. Although how can I stop it if it's what he truly wants and this OW is coaching him through it all?
First off, I've walked a mile in you shoes (my W did similar stuff including humiliation tactics etc.)The biggest similarity is where she wanted me to initiate the divorce. Mine offered me sex if I would initiate it. Surreal to say the least. I feel ya. You don't want it. You are doing quite well at not getting one even though you have every right to divorce him. I applaud that. I really do. To see above it is a gift... My thoughts: The OW is not your concern. He is a grown man and makes his own choices. If he chooses to be controlled by her or take and act on input from her, then you can't stop it. But OW is a symptom not a cause. Know that. It affects how you interact with him and your own well-being. While you get distracted and want to throttle her or worse, you miss some of the bigger picture. Stop looking at FB. Stop paying any more attention to her than the cockroach deserves. Focus on you, your family, and your marriage. Realize you don't "need" him but want him in your life. If that's not to be, then you can move on and be done with the whole thing knowing you were the adult and the bigger person that tried what you could to make it work.
Later, regardless of how it turns out, you'll have to live with yourself and know what you did or did not do. That's very important since you cannot control him or what he does.
Ask your friend - OW is not the issue nor your concern.
I can't imagine a person that wants that kind of controlled person as their partner. I've seen that dynamic play out many times with friends in recent years and I don't see the joy and happiness they seem to go looking for in 99% of those situations. I wouldn't want to live my life like that. I doubt you do either.
Focus on you and what you do control - YOU. The rest will take care of itself how it takes care of itself. You don't need that drama
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
