Rough, fear is such a huge factor in this journey. I know it sounds pat but what is your worst fear in all this? Really think about that and get comfortable with it. What's the worst that can happen?
And if that happens, what would you do? What could you do?
When you know that you are up to facing and conquering whatever fears you have, you will be free to move forward.
“fear is such a huge factor in this journey.” Are you telling me bug, noooo kidding. I am glad you’ve brought it to my attention because it’s something I need to be mindful of. I know Bond takes a strong stance on this topic as well. He told me a couple months ago not to be scared of her.
Your questions are difficult to answer. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. There’s so much emotion involved, so much love. A strong desire to reconcile. It’s very difficult to love someone unconditionally and try to be her friend. Then I have to detach and go dark. It’s a lot of different emotions that pull me in different directions. People say “let them go.” Well, I haven’t. I will let her go when I am done fighting. Maybe I need to try harder to let her go NOW. Maybe that’s what I need to protect myself and to make the changes I need to make. One important change is to laugh more. I seriously need us to interact in a more lighthearted fashion. This doesn't mean I need to be a comedian but I need to get some humor going between her and I. Trying to get her to laugh is no easy task though, but this stuff wasn't made to be easy.
I've had more anxiety when I've been around my W recently. Probably because I've put to much focus on her. I hold my own but it’s paralyzing in a way. W mirrors me a lot of the time. Seriously, it’s hard to get her to talk. If I initiate small talk then she will go a long with it but she’s very dry with me and she rarely asks me any questions. Her and I are similar in so many ways, we even have the same birthday. I need to work towards removing that fear. My W and most women want a confident man, while I do a good job masking it, I imagine it might be noticeable. I know I am rambling, I am good at that.
Is it the fear of being alone? I am sure that plays a part. I don’t want any other women though. If I have fear, nothing’s going to happen, I would do anything, maybe it would cause me to get stuck. Maybe it would slow my growth. Am I making sense? Do you think I am on the right track?
