So of course, my temper got the best of me yet again. Detaching is not something I am doing too well. Again king of mixed signals made his appearance yesterday. He said he had come by to pick up S14 to take him to get something he needed for the muzzle loader. S14 had no idea he was coming and had stayed after school. So while he was here he said he was going to WalMart. (Please bear in mind I am in an extremely rural area. Literally it is 20 miles to walmart) So I said well if you are going you could get me some cat food! lol then I laughed and said point blank- I'm just kidding. Either way here he comes 2 hours later with like a 15 lb bag of cat food. Of course, I thanked him and said I appreciated it. However, it really wasn't necessary. So today I am doing homework when I hear my dog just going nuts. I look outside. He is out there. Down at the other house fixing the window. I walked down there. Noticed when I walked by the car there was beer in it. I stupidly said Oh have you been drinking? Not meaning today. Just meaning have you been drinking more recently. He automatically got defensive and started being nasty. Then of course, I did too. I saw the beer and it pissed me off. Not for what you would think. Just that I guess I automatically assumed he had big plans for his birthday. I was right in thinking that too. So in a nutshell he changed his plans with the kids. Informed me he would like to see them for a couple of hours but then he had plans and it was his birthday. He also made it a point to tell me why in the world would he want to come back around me and be here in this house when all I do is create drama and start fights. Hmm. Great question. However, it doesn't seem to matter how things get started I always get the blame. That is one of the reasons I tried to not contact him. I did also bring up the fact that when I text he always calls back or comes over. Normally, I wouldn't mind that except that it seems lately every single thing is a confrontation. Nothing is ever easy. I really sort of feel like this DB'ing is not worth it. I am feeling discounted and abused. He's pretty mean. I know you aren't supposed to believe anything you hear but he is so hurtful. Frankly, that brings out the absolute worst in me as well. It pisses me off to no end that he changed the plans for his birthday and it really really hurt my feelings. Not that it matters. I guess that is also contributing to my anger. He seems to not care one iota about how I feel. It's all about him. I'm tired of my life revolving around him. So my answer is detach. I know this. It's hard when he's in my face all the time. I hope everyone here is doing better than me. Regardless, at least I am not a crying weeping mess. Now I'm just pissed. That's not great though. That is the thing about me he really keeps blaming on me. My anger. So then I let myself keep being drawn in so he can prove to himself how right he is to leave. I also might have called him a d!ckhead which wasn't very nice. Fitting. But not nice. He seems to love the opportunity to attack. I need to stop giving him any reason whatsoever to say anything negative or mean to me.
