AnotherStander, I think you should join Michele's team as one of their C's! You offer so much good advice to ALL of us here. I always look for your responses to other's sitch too.
I have read the 5 LL, but only after BD--realizing I was NOT speaking his 2 LL- WoA and Physical. Since then I've 180ed on the WoA (not overload, just when it feels natural) and nothing I can do about the phys (except an occasional touch on the shoulder or hug if accepted or asked for).
I DO think I am learning to be a better listener, but know that I have a ways to go, as I'm always thinking about the next thing I want to say vs. just listening. I have gotten better about NOT responding too quickly and NOT trying to counter what he says.
About the not being needed thing...would it be okay if I had my boys write/draw about the things they like/need about their dad to give to him to have when he moves out? I really think he DOESN'T feel like they NEED him...because functionaly they are old enough to do things for themselves, but it they are in CRITICAL SELF-IDENTITY-FORMING times of their lives. THESE are the days/years they will remember (not when they were babies or toddlers). How does he REALIZE this otherwise?
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
