Can This Be Salvaged?

[leopoldstotch]

Ok so it's been a bit since I've posted on my own thread as I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've come to a conclusion. I can no longer stay in this "marriage". This morning really made it clear to me that it's over and that my W has nothing left for me.

We have been getting along fine as room mates. This morning I showed my W my annuity statement and I said that I would have a lot of money when I retire. She said that's if you retire. I asked her what she meant. She says well you could die before you retire. I chuckled and said are you trying to kill me? This is the second time recently you said something about me dying. Recently I told her "guess what happened to me at work today"? She says well you didn't get shot! I told her that there are easier ways to get rid of me and she says "oh yeah?how? So I said you could divorce me. In fact I will file and I told her how much it would cost and she asked if I had been looking it up and I said yes. She asked if I was going to save up the money and I said no I'm just gonna go do it. Then she said "I guess I need to find a place to live". That was the end of the conversation.

It might not seem like much as it was a friendly exchange not angry we weren't fighting but it really dawned on me that she has no feelings for me at all because I did also so that I can't live with someone who doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me and she could not answer that. That has become the truth for me I can no longer live like this.

We have been in this sitch for over a year now and while I know I'm not perfect I've made some very significant changes and she has shown ZERO interest in me at all. No temperature checks at all. No affection. When I say we are roommates we are nothing but roommates. I truly believe that she is content with our living arrangements. The more I give it thought the more I believe she just wants all the conveniences of being married and nothing more. The emotional side is dead and this is not what I want.

I know that time and persistence are what we are supposed to practice but how long can one hold on when they are not seeing any results at all? For all I know there could be an OM. I don't have that feeling and I haven't seen any evidence of it this time but let's face it her track record shows anytime we've gone through this she ran to someone else. It's possible that she has become great at hiding it this time. This is a woman who is never home and if she isn't involved with OM then to me her never being home tells me she is or has already established a life separate from me and is just preparing to leave me when the time is right in her mind. I think she won't file for divorce because she doesn't want her father to think the worst about her.

I know many on here have told me to go back to the person she was first attracted to and I have but she has also changed and as I've said before I can't picture her ever being loving again. If I have disappointed anyone here I'm sorry but I just don't see this sitch ever changing and as bad as I was I feel I deserve better and she does too. I also don't believe she thinks I'm serious about filing but my mind is made up it's time to move past all this and start a new life. I will be filing most likely next week. I'm sure it's going to be difficult and interesting to say the least and I have no plans on leaving here. This community has been very helpful and I'm sure I will not a lot of help to get through the tough times ahead. Thanks everyone who has responded.