I have been consumed in going over and over trying to change my XW, make her see that I am the best choice, that we have a beautiful thing going on, that our love is still intact. Who am I foolishing with this? Still, the fight continues, I am not going to lie to myself anymore, She is the love of my life and my desire is to die old by her side.
The strategy needs to change, I am deeply scared to do the opposite of what I have been doing, but it has not worked at all. I just see a manipulative person in my XW and I have given her all the power.
How am I going to face my fears? I am praying everyday to have a changed attitude, a changed heart. You mentioned something very valuable "I must die so He can live in me" I am praying for that, it is me who needs the fixing and the old Alain needs to die for the new one to be born again. I do trust in the Lord and His strenght will be my strenght. It might seem foolish to many, but what can we do without faith?
As I say, I am confident my family will be restored. It is just a matter of time, time I need to restore my self thru the power of the Lord. When I am whole, when I can say I do not need W to be everything in my life, is when I can actually offer my best to them because I will be the best I can be.
It is still to early to say I can claim the victory, I am hurting and my desires still goes to my XW, but I am working to give myself the place I deserve in my own heart.
Thank Eric,
Plans for the weekend, I have a little drafting project I have to finish, go to church and visit my Mom.
