She has yet to figure out that that's because of her and not you. It sounds like she may be in severe depression, all the crying, the late nights and the drinking binges all point to that.
I'm 99% positive she has depression and anxiety issues. The anxiety has been mentioned previously by a therapist. The depression seems to come and go... when her anxiety and OCD thoughts take over, the depression seems to kick in. It's a vicious cycle that takes it's toll on our relationship. We keep going back to this same cycle, and it seems that she always blames it on "us." Yes, we have our problems, but when her anxiety/OCD take over, she stops trying and runs. She even mentioned 6 months ago when we were in therapy that she needs to figure out why she runs every time there's a sign of trouble/unhappiness. She guess she never did. (this is all my opinion.. obviously, I could be mistaken, and I don't want to make it sound like I'm the perfect catch, I'm sure I have my own issues as well.)
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Don't forget that detachment does not mean "cold and indifferent", it means lovingly giving her space while still being available. If she needs emotional support then by all means be there for her, listen to her and validate her emotions. One of Michele's DB tips is:
-- successful DBers cherish their spouse and show a great deal of compassion. They almost always keep their pain to themselves... they "act as if" things are normal in their life.
I think the key word there is compassion. You can detach while still showing compassion.
Perhaps I should have VALIDATED her emotions rather than leaving with out acknowledging them. I still would have left, as I think she needs the space/single mom time. But, I could have at least said something.
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Leave that for her to work out. If she wants to leave then SHE needs to figure out all the logistics including how she'll pay for it.
I agree. I had to bite my tongue when she said WE couldn't afford for HER to get an apartment. Why would I put money towards her getting an apartment? She needs to continue putting her money towards our mortgage and bills, and shouldn't think I'll be footing the bill. I can't even if I wanted to.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
