SS, yeah it is weird how their behavior changes so radically. My H had definitely started to change back... actually even was seeming like a better version of himself-- before reverting back toward H version 2.0.
Quote: My theory is that there are still feelings there but they are afraid to feel them becuase that might negate their stand on the D...what do you think??
I think this is often true. I have no doubt my H has deep feelings for me still... it's really obvious when I see him. His reversion back to old arguments he'd long ago debunked as possible reasons for D (while also acknowledging many of my changes) also makes me suspect he doesn't really believe a D is the right thing for us to do. But he feels he needs to "do something".
I wonder whether in some way they see acknowledging and acting on those feelings now as evidence that they "were wrong"... having to face people, etc. Lots of emotions there. My H has alluded to this stuff now and then, though he doesn't go deeper with it, not with me anyway.
After all my theorizing and PMS and licking my wounds from getting the papers, I've decided I'll continue to do the right thing and keep DBing as best I can.
H can do what he needs and wants to do.
I'm back to looking after myself, setting my goals, generally being fabulous, and doing my part to make any and all interactions with H positive ones. In that order.
I think I was just being PMS paranoid about the bank line being his trigger. I know he knows how much thinking goes into my choices and that it was a really a choice between equity line or ending up in foreclosure. It was the smartest option, for me now and for us long term should he choose to be here, and I think he realizes that. He would have said so if he had a problem with it.
