-Still don't want to be married. She's sad and not doing real well.
That is HOW SHE FEELS TODAY….
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-she said I've been ignoring her and acting so kind that it's creepy. My AS-IF approach must suck.
No I disagree…YOUR AS IF approach is fine.
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she again mentioned how I left on Sunday when she was crying. I told her I thought she needed space. She said she needed support. I struggle with this because I don't feel like supporting her. She needs to understand what being single with a toddler and all the other day-to-day requirements will be like.
I agree that it sounds like she is depress but I am not a doctor so who knows. She could be depressed for a host of reasons..until she can work through them there is really nothing you can do. As for how YOU feel. I know it [censored] dude. It’s like watching a train wreck and not going over to help. If I recall you have younger kids, so you may not get this…however, think about a teenager for a sec. (I have two). Sometime you need to let them fail/fall SO that THEY can learn the LESSON that they need to learn. I have had to do this with my boys. It’s tough and our natural reaction is to FIX it for them. Ya can’t. You can be there to support but you cannot also rush in as a the knight in shining armor.
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She still wants to be friends and not hate each other.
I hope you did not respond to this one. IMO, this is HER GUILT. Not your problem. Yes she wants to be friends..I suspect that HER definition of friends is much different than yours.
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she doesn't know what to do now. She brought up separation. She says we can't keep walking around in this house like this. It's not good for anyone.
Well since this is what she wanted and she does not to work through the issues, then she will need to figure out what to do. Funny…friends and separation all in the same convo. Personally, she does not have to walk around the house this way. She chooses to. Please Some…whatever you do…do not cave and leave the house.
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-She said WE can't afford for her to get an apartment. But if we could, she'd want to be closer to the city and we'd have to change S's daycare.
The old…I want out but it is hard and so can we be friends and can you help me leave you type statement. She want’s an apt…well then she can go find one. Not your problem. She wants to be closer to the city – great – she can find a place next to the city. You should not have to move or change YOUR life based on what SHE wants. The S’s daycare thing is another issue. Why does everyone need to change their lives, including S’s, so that SHE can be “happy”. Some – these are her issues to deal with not yours. Personally, as I suggested earlier, you need to start thinking about what YOU want and what YOU can live with. What is in YOUR best interest? What is in your S’s best interest…that is what YOU need to worry about.
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She said we're best friends, but the passion is missing. She's not sure it was ever there. She said we kept breaking up and getting back together trying to put a bandaid in it, but we never could fix it.
This is actually a clue for you…. What do you think she is saying here?
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She said I want this life in the suburbs taking about lawns and she hates it. I let her know that I had offered to sell and move closer to the city by the time S starts school
Any validity to this? Did you determine where you guys lived? Was she not consulted? If she was and was in agreement then please just chaulk this up to her needed to justify her actions.
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Last night when she was drinking she was crying to her friend saying she wanted to come home. But she knew if she did nothing would change
IMO, the “knew nothing would change” is her talking to herself to justify what she is doing. It is her running from the real issue. Once again, nothing you can do. You can’t fix her..only she can.
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I debated bringing up retrovaille
Not a good idea
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She has yet to say the actuall word DIVORCE. She dances around it, "I don't want to be married." "separation" etc.
IMO, she is still processing. She is still grieving the M. It is good that she has not mentioned it.
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She gave me a long hug, a kiss on the cheek, and said I love you. I hated it. It felt like she was using me to comfort herself.
Yep… Except in her mind she probably acknowledges that she LOVES you…but right NOW she is NOT attracted to YOU. So…along those lines, what are really doing for yourself to become more attractive to YOU? Do you know what she finds attractive?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
