Hey Seattle, let me know if your C has any ideas since we seem to be married to the same personality type...
LnL, I think my H is one of the smartest people I've ever known... self-taught in nearly everything. But it's like the old Zen saying: in the beginners mind there are endless possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few. In the WAH mind, there are none.
I've accepted that my H is subscribing to the idea that Michele calls "absurd" in the first ch. of DR: that getting rid of the spouse will move the WAS toward happiness.
He can rationalize it all he wants, but the time in his life when he began thinking that way was horribly destructive--he became someone no one recognized-- and I cannot imagine him not making that connection at some point. I hope it's soon.
Don't let me wrong... I totally understand pessimism and not wanting to go back to a painful place. But that place no longer exists except in his head... we haven't had a truly negative interaction in longer than I can recall.
And reconnecting is a slow process that eventually he would need to open himself up more to if he wanted to continue to progress in his feelings...even if it's scary.
So...what do you do when you've drawn them back... and they keep running away on you? I really don't think I'm all that scary.
I'm going to keep having my life and treating him the way I want to be treated. Thanks SS for the boost there and reminding me that is all I can do, anyway!
