Lois/Heather, You may want to check out the book entitled "Silent Sons" by Robert Ackerman. It is an excellent book.
You aren't raising your son all wrong. The problem is that back in the day, people didn't have the proper skills/tools to deal w/children and work and they kept very closed mouth about the issues in their marriages. They weren't as open as they are today. Keep in mind that what happened to your h took place when he was a child. People today have the luxury of more tools and aren't shy about talking things out. Networking, counseling services are available, addiction clinics are more readily available, physicians are more educated on matters of abuse (all kinds), teachers are more aware of abuse and should be reporting it to the principals in schools, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
