Trying to stop this meeting is not the easiest thing and there are far to many moving parts to go into detail here. But I am trying my hardest to not have this happen. But it still might. Yes the potentially easiest way to stop this (but not guaranteed) would be to confront now. And I am not regressing to old habits to try and stop this from occurring.
and the trip is going to happen regardless, and no i am NOT looking at it to be a miracle bullet to solve all the problems. The point is that we would be together with some mutual good friends and be enjoying ourselves without the chance of in person contact between W and OM, thus hopefully distancing that while bringing us closer. When we get back i cannot keep this entire pace/scheduling up and therefore the confrontation will have to occur.
Boundaries - I am not trying to be dense here, and the info shared is good. I am understanding them better, however the circle metaphor is lost on me right now. How is it that I am settting a boundary but still giving her the freedom to whatever she wants. I am sure I am missing something here..... Please use as an example the first boundary i stated before, that i am not willing to work on the R until OM is out of picture. The consequence for her not cutting cold turkey is what.... relegating her out of our bedroom, the house, etc. and how will the relegation out of the house not drive here to the OM. Or if it does, do I just have to accept it and move on???
Starsky - Please dont judge as I list these, but the marital complaints included not enough physical touch (holding hands, cuddling etc.), gentle kisses, better listener/empathy (not trying to always fix things/come up with solutions when they are not solicited), connecting more emotionally, me being able to forgive people better/easier. One joint issue was communication. And I am sure there are more. I have done HUGE swings with most/all of these to the point where just this morning she again said it is like I am a completely different person. However I feel that she is not trying to save things especially on an emotional level and the communication is very difficult to get her to open up. It is there a little bit, but some of it is not honest communication.
Chatter - Yes my self esteem took a hit, but I have recovered and have/am building it up. To be sure I am understanding of your advice, what are you referring to with the "But if he can fake it. Keep quiet. Act it." comments.
Again, I am trying to stop the meeting, but If I can't I don't know if I should ignore it, collect information, or confront. my last resort to stopping is calling her out on inconsistencies. If only this doesn't happen I would be in the clear for the planned confrontation and be able to figure out my boundaries, and with some help from the community how to phrase them the best for maximum effect.
