She also keeps telling me that she is "on the other side" . And that when i get there, I will understand . She means that because I abandoned her emotionally in the past, she went inside herself and emerged a much stronger person. I'am just beginning this process now and feeling all the emotional pain of it.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
You are right at the beginning of your sitch. At the beginning of mine there was tons of yelling, tons of arguing, tons of crying. Changes take time. Months. Not days or weeks. Months or years.
The hard part about all this DB is that you have to be strong enough to make the changes and to ride it out at the same time. You will have to endure more BS from your W than you ever thought possible. She is on a crazy train right now.
Just to give you some examples of what happened with me, at first my H was like, all cool with everything. Don't worry, we'll be best friends. Then he started freaking out, threatening, demeaning me, name calling, throwing stuff, being a total a-hole. He did this at least 3 times in the first 3 months of our sitch. When he wasn't doing this, he was either not looking at me or downright ignoring me, or leaving the house when I was there (we separated for 3 months). He also sent nasty texts quite frequently. I had to put all of this aside for the sake of DB.
Now things are much quieter. He's still not in a very good place but I'm reaching some of my small milestones like having him eat dinner with us. He's confused and depressed. I am trying to love him through it but give him space at the same time and it's hard. He may very well file. Who knows.
Key is to be strong for YOU and for your kids. She will notice as soon as she gets her head out of her butt, and that may take a while. Get inspiration from some of the male DB'ers here. They are strong!
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
This morning she said she wants to be friends and I said I'd like that too, but I also told her that I did want to have intimacy with her again. Then I said I was thankful that she went to mc with me and that I would like to have a date with her once in awhile, to have fun together without talking about the marriage. She said that just brings up resentment/anger from the past because I failed to value a date night with her in the past. I said she should try to ignore the past and be in the present and she got mad and stopped the conversation. Good morning!
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
Therapy tonight, she said she wanted a divorce, I said I didn't,she said she was afraid of what I may do if she did file for divorce, I told her not to worry, I was working on myself and that I understood that i couldn't have an outcome in mind, that I was doing it for me no matter what the outcome. some pressure was relieved.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
Therapy tonight, she said she wanted a divorce, I said I didn't,she said she was afraid of what I may do if she did file for divorce, I told her not to worry, I was working on myself and that I understood that i couldn't have an outcome in mind, that I was doing it for me no matter what the outcome. some pressure was relieved.
Your first post was about 6 weeks ago, was that around when BD was? If so then you are very early in the process still. It is quite common for D talk to get thrown around a lot early on and then suddenly dropped and not talked about again for months if at all. If she brings it up then you might suggest taking things one step at a time. Separation should always precede D. Once S happens, the pressure to D is greatly diminished and it usually goes on the back burner.
BD was dropped last December, but I was in and out of town with my job until 6 weeks ago. She waited to deal with me until I got home. The in house separation started 6 weeks ago.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
The problem is that she fell out of love with me years ago and now says her love bank is empty. She is detached from me and feels nothing for me except bothered when I want any of her time or affection.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
I know I'm not supposed to snoop, but I saw an email she wrote to her friend tonight that said she was surprised how detached she was from me and that she thought I was slowly coming to terms with a divorce with her. She also wrote that I wasn't moving out and that she was going to find a place to live with our kids and move out soon. I talked to some of my friends tonight who told me to try to give her as much space as possible and not kiss or hug her for the next month. They said if she doesn't move towards me after a month to forget it and accept that she's gone for good. Anyone have any advice? I'm not feeling that anxious right now, I guess I'm starting to detach too. This doesn't look very promising. Should I continue to go to therapy with her, or should I just throw in the towel and accept that she doesn't love me anymore and get divorced? Is there any hope left or am I in denial as she puts it.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
I wouldn't concidering yourself detached just yet! I thought that too but after about a week and as soon as something significant happened in my life my feelings resurfaced with a vengeance.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
