On 10/10/10

[Albuquerque]

Tad,

I think what stands out to me is your statement "I want my life back"

There is no question as to whether or not that will happen. It WILL NOT. I'm not saying things won't drastically change and she won't come running back. I'm saying that even if she did, THINGS HAVE CHANGED. YOU have changed. SHE has changed. The ONLY thing you know for sure is that whatever your future holds, it will be different than the past. To hold onto hope that that's NOT the case is making you stuck. If you want an idea of what it's like to be fortunate enough to have your spouse come back, look at my case.

First of all, they never come running back. They peek out, drag their feet, run away a lot etc. It's not fun. But even having my H back, the R is totally different. This is a new R. He's still battling depression, the OW lives nearby and still ends up popping into the picture every few months for various reasons meaning *I* have to be strong enough to believe that I can trust my H. But the biggest thing is that *I* continue to live on, much like I did when he wasn't around. My H still has very very bad days. Yesterday, he slept in late, didn't say much when he arose. Complained of not feeling well. Then took another nap. Then awoke and took a long shower in the dark (something he does when he's battling anxiety). Then took a long car drive (to calm down). Then came home and went back to bed. We had an event planned in the evening. To be polite, I woke him to tell him I was leaving and he said OK. I never asked if he was coming. I left it up to him to either get up or not. And I never got upset that our plans were changing due to him being in the fetal position all day. I got plenty of my stuff done during the day and enjoyed my evening without him. This is totally NOT what my life was life before the bomb. And to be fair, yesterday was a very bad day. We have many more good days than bad.

To make a long rambling story short. As you KNOW, you are still stuck. Your actions are NOT something that would be attractive to an MLCer. You are NOT moving forward. You are not leaving her behind. You're still essentially still pacing around hoping she throws you a bone. Take a minute and read what my H wrote to a friend of his in my thread. It'll give you some insight into the mind of an MLCer. They do NOT want a puppy waiting for them. Puppies are whiny, annoying and poop a lot. They want the lone wolf who can be perfectly content moving on WITHOUT them but also perfectly happy being part of a pack.