Quote: the advice was in THAT case you keep putting yourself out there and offering them unconditional love. Which after many missteps and trying to analyze my H to death and dealing with my own pain in a healthy way, I started to do. I did this all last year and he kept wanting to come home. March. April. July. August. November.
Can you point me to a link that would go this far back? I would like to learn from what you had done then.
Quote: Yeah... it did. Because my goal was just to do my 100% to keep up the positive communication and emotional transparency I've developed with him -- 2 changes he'd wanted initially and that I needed to make -- and not backslide into where we were once upon a time. I sent it a week ago yesterday. I figure even if he never responds, I've made those changes permanent and that's what I'm showing him. And I don't doubt that he's read it. That's all I need right now, though a response WOULD be nice.
This statement says a lot about who you are and how strong and confident you are with yourself! You have done all of these things first for you, for you guys as a couple, and also for him. Most importantly for you! Bravo Bravo! I'm clapping can you hear?
I agree, a response would be nice. It is hard to see a glacier move, isn't it?
Quote: BUT I also know withdrawal is my H's way of coping with most things--something he's come to recognize himself, but doesn't seem to be changing.
This is also my WAW way of dealing with things. Running, burying it, whatever you want to call it. She even acknowledges it. I somehow have hope the intelligent people we married will look deep within themselves and find the strength to give us the opportunity. I do believe a lot of what has been said lately of fear, and this new life they created, the path of least resistance that they view, is making the decision difficult for them.
I also hope they can realize what we offer them now, and the potential growth we can have together. Symbiosis is an important factor here, as we are the strong ones in knowing what we do now. Couples are together for a reason and generally one that is weak in another is augmented by the partner that is strong in that area. Guess which one the WAS is?
Quote: The timing near my birthday particularly--that's either being cluelessly self-absorbed or deliberately hurtful... and not the actions of someone making positive steps forward after some time to think and some C.
Agreed, but hard to guess what is inside their heads. As you pointed out earlier, they are obviously fearful. Sounds like you've have a WAS that is willing to communicate, do you think he would actually discuss those fears with you?
