-Still don't want to be married. She's sad and not doing real well.
She has yet to figure out that that's because of her and not you. It sounds like she may be in severe depression, all the crying, the late nights and the drinking binges all point to that.
Quote:
-she said I've been ignoring her and acting so kind that it's creepy. My AS-IF approach must suck.
I'm sure your as-if is fine, this is just her way of always looking for the bad in everything you do. If you were showing her more attention then I imagine she'd say you're smothering her. And when is being kind ever creepy, LOL!
Quote:
- she again mentioned how I left on Sunday when she was crying. I told her I thought she needed space. She said she needed support. I struggle with this because I don't feel like supporting her.
Don't forget that detachment does not mean "cold and indifferent", it means lovingly giving her space while still being available. If she needs emotional support then by all means be there for her, listen to her and validate her emotions. One of Michele's DB tips is:
-- successful DBers cherish their spouse and show a great deal of compassion. They almost always keep their pain to themselves... they "act as if" things are normal in their life.
I think the key word there is compassion. You can detach while still showing compassion.
Quote:
-She said WE can't afford for her to get an apartment. But if we could, she'd want to be closer to the city and we'd have to change S's daycare. She doesn't want to live out here. I told her I hadn't thought about it as I want the marriage to work. She said she wasn't expecting to come to a conclusion tonight anyway.
Leave that for her to work out. If she wants to leave then SHE needs to figure out all the logistics including how she'll pay for it.
Quote:
-I asked for clarification on how we got here since she never really elaborated or said what was wrong with R. She said we're best friends, but the passion is missing. She's not sure it was ever there.
That's just a variation on ILYBINILWY. Script. You didn't really get an answer.
Quote:
-She said she's been barely eating, lost 5lbs in a week (she's tiny to begin with), barely sleeps and drinks too much.
More signs of depression!
Quote:
Ultimately, her opinion towards us didnt seem to waiver at all. I debated bringing up retrovaille. But she seemed so convinced that are done, that I didn't think it would go over well.
I agree, she would likely have perceived it as more pressure. At this point she's leaning towards S, so anything you say or do that's contrary to that is going to be perceived as pressure.
