Albuquerque living part 4

[Albuquerque]

Update. It's been another long time since I've made a post.

I'm living proof that the MLC journey is a long one. My bomb was in January of 2010. And though we've reconciled, H is still working on his issues. My last post was a bit of a downer when I read it. I remember it well. Fortunately, my attitude and my life have improved since then. Refocusing on myself has helped a lot. H went off his AD med AGAIN since the last post and this time, he's stayed off of them. And while he's done better this time than on previous attempts, he still has his days where he's just off. It's very obvious when that's the case and on those days, I just go on my merry way. I have numerous activities that get me out of the house. I've spent less time devoted to triathlons and more time to the pole dancing/fitness. I just love it. I'm still not very good, but it's a great workout, it's liberating, and it's good physical therapy for my upper body. I even had a professional photo shoot at the studio both on and off the pole (the studio brought the guy in). So those of you that know me on the alt, you may see some pics soon! It was very fun.

H's journey continues though. While his progress is achingly slow, I DO see continual progress which is what I want to be seeing. I still see him trying to find himself. I think he still doesn't really know who he really is and that's a struggle for him. He has a lot of hopes and dreams and knows that some of them, due to age, are not achievable. But those that are still possible seem to linger just beyond his grasp due to his inability to make a plan and move forward. He often deals with analysis paralysis. He can't decide what to do so often does nothing. But I know he is trying. And where he is today is WAY better than where he was a year ago. Very very slow progress but progress nonetheless.

He recently made a FB post that surprised me. It said
"Life is good. I'm happy where I am, whom I'm with, what I do and why I do it. Happiness takes work, sometimes, but it's worth it.

I've been through some dark places. I've been broken and powerless and out of control. There are many things I regret.

But those days are past. Life is what you make it, and I make mine as exciting, interesting, passionate, intelligent and loving as possible."

It was nice to hear him say something like that. He still has very dark days but I think he sees life differently now.

As for the OW, she keeps popping up every so often in strange ways. About 3 months ago, she, out of the blue, FB friend requested me. I could NOT understand why since she's spent the last year with me blocked. I asked my H if he knew why she'd do that. He was stymied and had no idea. The whole thing made him anxious. He asked me what I was going to do and I said I didn't know. I was really tempted to say yes because I think that would've been unexpected. But at the same time, I'd rather go on with life without dealing with that past. So I just left it unanswered. After a few days, the request went away and I was blocked again. So that was really weird. And more recently, one of H's friends spoke with her on the phone. She apparently warned his friend about my H and that he just uses people and went on for several hours. The friend asked if she wanted to get back to together. She claimed she didn't so the friend asked why, after over a year, she was still so worked up about this. The OW brought up weird things about me even. For instance, some weeks ago I commented on a business page, to a business about the fact that I disagreed with some of the things they were doing medically (which happens to be in my field and I've even spoken professionally on the topic). It turns out the OW also does the same things that I spoke out about. The OW viewed it as me, attacking her personally by going on the site and speaking out. I guess she feels the only reason I did that was to get back at her. When I found that out, I literally burst out laughing. It was so far from the truth and so amazingly odd that I couldn't do anything but laugh. But it IS sad that despite a year or more, the OW still clearly hasn't let go. More proof that the OP the MLCers find are often just as broken.

Another thing I was happy to see was what my H told a friend of his who's going through a separation. The friend (a female) asked my H's opinion on how to know when a guy wants an actual relationship. She's only been separated for about 4-5 months now and dated a guy already but that didn't work out. She was now considering another guy but she wasn't sure he was looking for a life partner and wanted a guy's viewpoint. His advice to her was this. (And I can quote him because it was via email and he forwarded it to me for my opinion)

"You need to learn to be an individual first, and a partner second. I submit that you can't even be a good partner if you aren't a good individual. I wasn't. I lost sight of that during my vacation in crazy time. It has taken time and effort to feel comfortable with myself. I credit Albuquerque for my own ass kicking. She made it clear that she loved me and wanted to be with me, but could and would go on without me, and not blink twice at it. That was very attractive to me, in a weird kind of way. There is the old saying that "it's nice to be needed". I don't think that's true. It's nice to be wanted. By someone who doesn't need me. I hope that makes sense. "

So despite his occasional down days (just yesterday was a good example), the overall trend is upwards. I haven't been on the boards nearly as much as I'd like to be. I know how hard it can be when you're in the middle of hell and especially now as the holidays are fast approaching. I will try to do better but when your computer sits next to your H's, it's hard to keep this place secret. Fortunately, he doesn't get up early