I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say good luck. Your a strong person. It's stories like your that give me inspiration to keep on going. 💜
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
FWIW, your description of H being civil, almost nice, and COMMUNICATING what he is up to reminds me of W back in May or so when she started to visibly peek out a bit...but, as always, who knows...
Keep going, you're awesome!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hi Hrm..haven't visited here in a while. Your conversations with your H just blow me away. I love the way you keep calm but still get your message across. There is so much love within those words. You just dumbfound him each time.
Always wishing for the best for you and everyone here.
Snodderly (and some updates)~ I had a really good weekend, exhausting! But good. My friend's surgery went well, unfortunately they did find she has endometriosis, so that svcks. I've been texting her all weekend, checking in on her, she seems to be following doctors orders, plans on coming back to work tomorrow, that makes me nervous, I'm afraid she's going to try and over do it.
My other friend and I ended up not doing a haunted attraction, we both had worked longer than anticipated and we really didn't want to be in a car that long. We decided to watch scary movies at my house and ordered some pizza.
I've decided H's just crazy. Plain and simple. I asked him about the beard, just curious as to what he would say. He asked if I liked it, I said it's interesting (not a lie,I really don't care for it). He went on to say I figured I'm 36 and never had one I should try it now. I think I said ok, I was really distracted by trying NOT to laugh..... Cause I was thinking.... yeah.... that's the way to look younger...a beard...everyone knows that...LMAO!
Sunday evening when he got home he reminded me the walking Dead was on if I wanted to watch it. I thanked him and said I would be out when it comes on. I was texting a couple of friends because well, the beard thing was just too funny NOT to share! I was literally laughing out loud during some of the texts. H comes back munching on some potato chips, looks at me with a slightly confused look and says, "Everything ok back here?" I said "yeah, why wouldn't it be?" He simply says, "uncontrollable laughter." I said, " Aren't I allowed to laugh uncontrollably?" (as I'm still laughing a bit). He looked annoyed mumbled what I think was an okkkk and walked away.
We watched the show together and then both went to bed. I couldn't get to sleep so I went back out into the living room and started watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix (a couple of friends got me hooked on that show). A few minutes later H emerges from his room. I heard him go to the bathroom and then I could feel him standing behind me. I didn't really look up until he moved beside me and asked about what I was watching. I paused it and explained a bit of the back story. He said I guess I will watch too, and sat down on the couch next to me!!!! I thought I would die of shock, mind you this is after 10:30PM. I just said ok and asked if he would like me to start at the first episode, he said no it was fine. After the episode he even said he had enjoyed the show.
When I saw him tonight, I asked him about getting my car inspected because I'm running out of time and I work Saturdays. He gave me some suggestions and then said slightly annoyed "to let him know if he has to re-arrange his schedule". He apparently has plans but no match, that's all the info he would give me. That's considerably more info that I've had in months though....
IDK, like I said, crazy. I also find it interesting how every group of people he's with sees a different act, all nicey nicey to the co-workers, then tells the shooting buddy he can't stand the co-workers, and Lord only knows what he says to the family. I'm sure I'm the only one who sees the mess he truly is inside...
On a different note, I talked to my FIL finally this weekend, his gf left him and he's been in and out of the hospital. He's also quite depressed, and talking about moving back closer to his home town (closer to us). I told him that sounded like an excellent idea. Probably will help with his depression. None of his kids have gotten their heads out of their own asses and called him yet, but I keep praying for that day to come, because he's not doing so great.
Lisa.7~ Thank You!!!
T~ Hey stranger! I always appreciate your input too, but I would hope you would know that by now. LOL Yes, who knows indeed! I figure communicating is good, but the secret life is still there and that hurts.... like you said before, it's the emotional.... boy does that take it's toll!
GALbaby~ Thank you so much! Sometimes I wonder if what I am saying to him he is hearing, or makes an impact. I just keep believing it's getting stuck in there somewhere and the seeds will sprout and grow! Well my counselor things I'm making progress *shrugs* who knows, I guess time will tell.
hrm, Your h isn' crazy, but he's growing up! The terrible teens are very difficult on parents because it's a time when the children are trying on different personas to see which one will be the final fit. Your h is doing the same thing. For example the beard...he stated that he had never had one and wanted to try it. The next thing will be a different hair style, tattoos or something more drastic. So, it's his way of trying to determine what persona is best for him. I'm sure he looked funny as heck.
Have you noticed how he's starting to sit in the room and watch tv w/you and have normal conversations? That is because he finally got off his chest what had been building up for months, i.e., divorcing/leaving you. Since you've not hounded him about it, he feels safe in being around you. He tested you and you passed! LOL!
As for friends and co-workers, he compartmentalizes the various areas of his life and eventually, people are going to figure him out and come to realize that he's in crisis. They can't hide the emotional behavior for very long.
I'm sorry about your FIL, but I think it's a good idea for him to move closer to your area. At least someone will be fairly close to check on him, if need be.
I love Once Upon a Time. Did you see the episode Sunday night? It gets better and better each week with the storybook characters.
I hope your friend doesn't attempt to over do it. No matter how simple the surgery, you still need recovery time for your body to heal.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snodderly~ I'm sure the tattoo isn't far behind, after all he's always wanted one. Today I'm just feeling like he should have lived his teens when he WAS a teen, and I know he did, I mean went out and had fun, nothing like crazy or anything, but it's not like he lived a sheltered life either. I'm just having one of those upset moments where I think about if he ever does finally realize how much he's screwed everything up and decides to come back what the true cost is..... I mean is all of this really worth it? I guess he will have to answer that for himself. Sorry, today is just one of those days the emotional pain is taking it's toll.... I'm just exhausted, tired of doing everything and being merry ray of sunshine all the time for everyone, just feeling lonely right this moment I suppose. This too shall pass.
Yes he has been sitting in the same room and having normal conversations with me. Great I passed a test I didn't know I was taking. I'm tired of jumping through hoops, I know he's a depressed mess (even though he swears he's great) but this selfishness just takes it's toll.... I'm not stupid, I know he's doing things he shouldn't be doing as a married man (I don't care how much in your head you try to make yourself believe you're not married, you still are), I mean I can sit here and wish any number of things but that doesn't make them so.
As far as friends, family and co-workers, they are all pretty freaking dense, it's been over a year and really not one of them realize he's in a crisis?
I didn't see the episode of Once on Sunday I'm catching up on season one on Netflix and hoping season 2 will be on hulu.
hrm, I'm sorry you are having an "off" day. It's part of the processing that we have to go through. You do not have to be suzy sunshine all of the time. People shouldn't expect that.
I have a feeling your h compartmentalizes quite a bit around others and therefore, he appears normal to them. He can't continue this facade for long because it takes a lot of work.
The second season of Once Upon a Time has been very good. I hope you can catch up and see some of the newer episodes.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
OMG! Snodderly, you just so gave me an Epiphany!!! "He's growing up" Wow! Strange how things just all of a sudden hit you and make sense.
I'm sorry hrm. It's such a hard thing to go through. I wish I had advice to give you.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
stumbled upon your sitch somewhere... noticed it because you mentioned you too are still living with your alien. The bomb for me was only at the end of August/2012 so I'm behind you in experience. Your success at GAL gives me hope for me, so thank you for posting!
Hope today is one of the better ones for you!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
This cracked me up because I so feel/felt that way...one of the vets here posted on another thread a long time ago "What if you knew her action was a test, how would that change your perspective of her behavior?"...or something like that...
I guess we are in that "testing" stage with our WASs...I am pretty used to it now and can tell if W is in "testing T mode" sometimes...but then sometimes I am dense...lol. I so get the toll of being "on stage" all the f-ing time...ugh!
That H can stand to be in the same room with you says something, and this was a hallmark change in my sitch.
Maybe make a chocolate with peanut butter icing cake or something and see what happens...just for "testing" purposes only, of course...
If H doesn't bite, send it my way, I'm jealous...choc and pb is my fave treat.
Hang in there, PMA will come back after a break...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I've been texting her all weekend, checking in on her, she seems to be following doctors orders, plans on coming back to work tomorrow, that makes me nervous, I'm afraid she's going to try and over do it. 
