Just updating. I realise that my pain is linked to the fact my heart and my head have different gameplans. My head thinks it is over. My heart tells me otherwise.
Yesterday was the first day where we had an ok day at work. He started on about "us" and the house etc again but I just enforced my boundaries, said I would no longer talk about personal issues at work.
He tried it again later and I took a deep breath and walked away. There are days like today when I just think I can't do it anymore. It hurts so much.
It's so hard to see him as I can see he is in the full grip of his love affair. I know she has been coaching him as he will call her or text her in between any arguments we have, then comes back at me with things that I believe she would say. Stuff that I think a woman would say.
He is planning trips away with her and her kids (after 12 weeks together) and she is now putting vile things on FB about her new romance. No names yet but I guess that is inevitable. I feel certain some of it is her insecurity at the fact he has to see me most working days, but still.
I have managed to get him to wait until after Christmas/New Year to really knuckle down on the divorce. Part of me is still ambivalent. I feel it would allow me to move on to some extent, this waiting is interminable. Yet I know I don't want a divorce, not really. Although how can I stop it if it's what he truly wants and this OW is coaching him through it all?
