My story - help please

[theUF]

Thank you for replying chatterbug, it helps to get some thought provoking Q's.

So let me get this straight.

From what I am reading you were pressured into becoming a DAD

I told her I wanted a child, but I constantly delayed. Mostly out of anxiety that we would not cope. She was pushing, I told her to stop and I would be ready when I was ready. She stopped pushing and after some time I told her I wanted to try.

and you explained to your wife that the work situation would be hard for a few years and you will not be able to support her and the child with the time needed but you will be able to support financially and when you can.

She agreed to this.

Yes

Then a few years later she meets a guy starts to like him.... You have problems in the relationship.. She says your controlling because you told her it is wrong to be talking to this predator.

They have mutual friends. At a party she told him about her situation and he told her about his similar R situation. Probably there was some flirting as in the texts I read later she stated that she probably said in joke some stuff she shouldn't have. That she was indeed attracted to him, but she wouldn't act on it and there was no need to talk about it. But, she still came across as keeping it on the table for later so to speak. After this I decided not to put more effort into finding out what is going on between them. And yes when I said she needed to break contact she viewed me as controlling.

Now she asks you to move out.
You know why. It is so she can pursue an affair with this guy.
1. Why did you leave?

She told me she wanted out and that she had been working up her guts to do it. We were living with her family at this time as we were planning on building a house. So she asked me to move back home to my own apartment. I wouldn't want to live with her family given the situation so I moved back home.

2. Why are you paying her money that is not in an agreement?

I'm not. She asked for half of what she can legally claim as child support. We will sign these papers in a couple of weeks. I told her I would pay more than half if our son would need it, by law I have to anyway really.

3. Is a PA or EA a deal breaker?

Not quite sure. It would certainly make things more difficult, but right now I don't want reconciliation. We both need to sort out things in our life before that would even be possible. What lies down the road no one knows.

4. Did you set any boundaries with these choices your wife is making?

I told her any attempts to try and save R would be off the table if she pursued contact with him.

5. Have you gotten an legal counseling about abandoning your child?
6. Do you know that you have as much right to be with your child as your wife does?
7. Have you thought of moving back home to the marriage apartment?
8. Have you talked with a lawyer about your rights as a father in situations such as this?

I've read up on my rights as a father and since we lived together my rights a strong. We want to settle as much as possible our self, but I told her we would need an agreement in writing/signing anyway as people and situations change so this is important. She agreed and as mentioned this meeting is scheduled.

As judging by your nic and work I would recommend that you always record your conversations when you are with your wife.

My nick is two random letters so don't read into it Sound advice though.

Always be polite. Always be non-confrontational. Always be a gentleman.
Protect yourself buddy.
Then you can work on restoring the marriage.
People do strange things when they have EA's and PA's

Again, sound advice I'm working hard to follow. You're definitely right about people changing when there is EA/PA in the picture, this has me on my toes. BTW we are not married, but we've been living together for many years and have a child together so by law(in my country)we still have to go through these seperation/"breakup" papers.