Today kids and I went on a playdate with a friend from S4s school. Mom and I have a lot in common. Both of us have D1s and S4s. Both our sons were born with medical problems and numerous ER visits and admits to Childrens Hospital and quite a few surgeries. We both know what it's like to almost lose your child (more than once). We both had to stop working to care for S4s. However she's still married.

I couldn't help but compare myself to her as we were talking. She is very mellow and calm. Very easy going. I was so obsessed about caring for S4. I took control of his medical needs and never asked H to help because I strongly believed I did a better job. Maybe I did, but I resented him for not helping. And I resented him for not obsessing like me.

I know the past is in the past but these thoughts came up.

I cried a bit when I asked her if her experience with her son has affected her marriage. She said it has but they were able to balance it out. Something H n I didn't do.

I came home feeling so emotionally drained and thought, man, I don't think she's gonna want another playdate with us since I was too open.

Funny, she text soon after and said we should do it again ;-)

Also, I got to thinking. I love my friends and family but I'm finding myself growing closer to my friends in Al Anon and the church and S4s school parents. Neither of these people know H and it's nice to be friends with people to don't attack him.

M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017