Here we go again...

[someguy1233]

W and I just finished a conversation.  I remained cool and calm... With no effort. I think I'm just that exhausted. She even comment on how I seemed to be doing ok. 

I'll have to bullet point the conversation in no particular order. Sorry for any typos. This is a lot to type on a phone. 

-Still don't want to be married. She's sad and not doing real well. 

-she said I've been ignoring her and acting so kind that it's creepy.  My AS-IF approach must suck. 

- she again mentioned how I left on Sunday when she was crying.  I told her I thought she needed space. She said she needed support. I struggle with this because I don't feel like supporting her. She needs to understand what being single with a toddler and all the other day-to-day requirements will be like. 

-She still wants to be friends and not hate each other. (ugh!!!)

-she doesn't know what to do now.  She brought up separation.  She says we can't keep walking around in this house like this. It's not good for anyone. 

-She said WE can't afford for her to get an apartment. But if we could, she'd want to be closer to the city and we'd have to change S's daycare. She doesn't want to live out here.  I told her I hadn't thought about it as I want the marriage to work.  She said she wasn't expecting to come to a conclusion tonight anyway.  

-I asked for clarification on how we got here since she never really elaborated or said what was wrong with R. She said we're best friends, but the passion is missing. She's not sure it was ever there. She said we kept breaking up and getting back together trying to put a bandaid in it, but we never could fix it. 

-She said I want this life in the suburbs taking about lawns and she hates it. I let her know that I had offered to sell and move closer to the city by the time S starts school.  She seemed to shrug it off. 

-Last night when she was drinking she was crying to her friend saying she wanted to come home. But she knew if she did nothing would change. 

-Her anxiety is up. I was able to suggest she see a therapist with out it coming off as a negative. She didn't agree to see one, but wasn't opposed. I didn't push it; I just wanted to plant the seed. 

-She said she's been barely eating, lost 5lbs in a week (she's tiny to begin with), barely sleeps and drinks too much.


Ultimately, her opinion towards us didnt seem to waiver at all.  I debated bringing up retrovaille. But she seemed so convinced that are done, that I didn't think it would go over well. 

She has yet to say the actuall word DIVORCE. She dances around it, "I don't want to be married." "separation" etc. 

She gave me a long hug, a kiss on the cheek, and said I love you. I hated it. It felt like she was using me to comfort herself.