I've never gone more than a week without some kind of release in my whole adult life, wife or no wife, participating or not. Going ten days without -- wow!
It bugs me that the premise that you and your wife have tacitly agreed to is that NOT HAVING SEX is somehow more virtuous than having sex. So her refusal to masturbate is somehow more wholesome than your insistence on masturbating. It seems you should be equally justified on insisting that her refusal to masturbate is not only unhealthy for her and your relationship, but you also find her refusal to masturbate upsetting to YOU! And in fact, many experts on female sexuality will say that a woman should learn to masturbate to be in touch with her physical sexuality. So, in fact, I think you have more of a right to be upset about your wife's refusal to masturbate than your insistence on masturbating, especially when she doesn't want to have sex with you!!
It's my impression that many people would say that a woman who refuses to masturbate is probably dealing with some serious hangups, if not just adhering to a rather passive approach that "only a man can do the job for me".
