Eric has made some very good points and one point I would add is if you are ready for whatever outcome may happen just make sure you have PROOF first and foremost. I know you have been through it before but the last thing you want to do is accuse your W of an A and she isn't having one. I can honestly say that when my W has both her affairs I was ready for any outcome from my actions.

The first time she had an A I wallowed in misery until one day I couldn't take it and knew something had to be done. I called her up on the phone and told her she had a choice to make it was either OM or me. She told me that she couldn't choose. I told her she had no choice but to choose. She then told me that I sound exactly like OM. He was pressuring her to decide between us. I was prepared to end our M but she chose me. It wasn't a magic bullet where she was ready to pack her bags and come home it still took quite some time to reconcile.

I understand that confronting an A is not for everyone but if you know that you have had enough of the A and you are willing to bear the outcome of possibly ending your M then you know what to do. I don't believe that we can love our S back to us when they are having an A. We can be the better option and all that but I believe the S having the A needs something to snap them out of that fantasy.

M 44 W 43
S 23 S 15
INILWY 9/11
Divorce Mediation started 3/13
June 30 the day W is moving out