Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

Rough -

You are getting GREAT advice above. Carnac, Arsene, AT, 25... I wouldn't disagree with a single thing that they said.

25MLC tells it like it is. I know just how frustrating that can be. She hit me hard multiple times. Sometimes she p!ssed me off, but her advice was always solid. While there were many who helped me along the way, I would say that 25 was right up there with those that I needed the most. She offered something that not many others can. She offered the perspective of a woman who had successfully saved her M. She offered the perspective of someone who had to DB for almost 2 years (maybe longer, I don't remember). She offered the perspective of someone who went through all of the stages that one can go through while standing for the M under dire circumstances.

She was tough, but she challenged me.

I think that what we want when we first come here is for someone to hug us and to tell us that it is all going to be okay. That only goes so far. What we NEED is for someone to tell us what we can do to help ourselves. That is what 25, and others, offer. And that's what I strive to do these days.

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But with that said man... I'm going to give you a man hug here. LOL

I know exactly where you are emotionally right now. Your W's email was a let down and, it has you scared. I get it. I really do. I went through this experience, oh, I don't know, half a dozen times. That feeling like maybe things are looking up and maybe I see a light at the end of the tunnel, to having that feeling crushed, and having to face the fact that i was no where close to the end.

I get it. You are hurt, frustrated, and afraid that this is it for your M.

You will get through it though. I promise. And each time that it happens, it will get easier, less painful. Because you will learn that none of it is permanent... that it is not going to kill you... that you ARE going to be okay regardless. We can say these things to you, to ourselves, to everyone else, as much as we want, til we're blue in the face... but until it really settles into your head and heart, it doesn't seem true. But I will say it again... you are going to be good Rough. Regardless.

So for now... allow yourself to experience all of these feelings. There is no way through pain, but through it. There is no way around it and no short cut through it. You can build a wall around your heart to protect yourself from it, but I promise you that that is no way to live.

Allow yourself to go through it. Cry, yell, go beat a punching bag, go lift some weights, lie in bed all day for a weekend, whatever you need to do. Just allow yourself to go through it.

Then you decide what you want to do from here... and we reassess your situation.

Dust your pants off, get up, and keep moving forward.

Denver