I wonder if I will actually be STRONGER when he leaves /not as emotional around him, as I tend to get weepy in the evenings and at night and won't be around him then.
Separation did make it easier for me to detach and get my emotions under control. The first week was rough, but it's been getting better and better since then.
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My H is dealing w his mother's recent passing from cancer. We both believe his unhappiness stemmed from her getting sick.
It may have been a trigger. He was probably unhappy in the M, but this could have been the thing that reminded him that we don't live forever and spurred him to take action.
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He discontinued b/c the C was really focused in on his childhood and he felt he was spinning his wheels going nowhere fast.
Yeah, that's the old school approach and especially when it comes to marital issues it just doesn't work. But don't have any expectations, it's unlikely a new IC will produce any sudden turnaround. If he has no goal to save the M then the IC will not push him to do that.
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AnotherStander, when you said I shouldn't look weak and needy, I agree, but in actuallity, it is when the wall breaks down a bit and he is open to "comforting" me (w hugs/cuddling sometimes).
I understand that it makes you feel better, but it is probably coming from pity on his side. He feels sorry for you because he knows he's the one that's causing you this pain, so he steps in now and then to comfort you. Unfortunately that's no indication that you're growing closer or that he's changing his mind about the M.
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I thought I was a much stronger person...I don't think my kids EVER so me cry before all this started. Now, they've seen me upset several times...I feel so weak, and that feels so foreign and out-of-control for me.
I can so relate to this, I too never in a million years would have thought BD could impact me like it did. Frankly there were times when I fantasized about getting out of my M. I never considered actually doing it, but there were times when I thought if my W pursued it I wouldn't stop it. But once it did happen I was brought to a low, ugly place I never would have thought possible. It was horrible. But it does get better. I can tell you this with confidence because I was there! Give it time. When you emerge you'll realize you are much stronger than you've ever given yourself credit for.
