Someguy

I am not here to tell you what to do. At the end of the day this is your life and the life of your family.

I did though want to make a couple of points...

You keep digging and trying to find out if she is having an afair, which on one hand I can totally understand. It can be consuming and it draining. FTR, I am not telling you to not snoop and not find out the info you need to make a CHOICE for YOU. Nope. That is your call. I am though wondering about the state that YOU are in right now. Let me explain....

I want to ask you a question...

Are you prepared to leave her? Are you prepared for the impact this will have on your family? The impact on finances? Are you prepared to stand for YOUR beliefs and pay whatever price you may need to pay? Albeit emotional, family or finances?

I'm asking becuase here is where I think you are at.

You are searching for the afair becuase you will confront in the HOPE that she changes her mind. YOU are gonna try to scare her into stopping the A...but YOU TOO are afraid.

You will confront because you are hurt and angry and the thought of her doing this to you again is very painful. But deep down inside you really want her to stop so you believe that confronting her will make stop.

I may be wrong here...I don't know...

If I am not, then you need to stop for a second and ask yourself what and why are you doing this.

Do you feel that you have changed enough and gave the R everything you had?

Are you willing to live a life without her and disrupt the family unit because of YOUR own personal boundaries and self wotth?

IMO, a lot of people confront as a tactic...wrong reason I believe.

I personally, think you only confront when you finally have had enough and you KNOW deep inside that YOU deserve better.

You confront when the outcome really does not matter....cause you know that you will be okay.

A lot of times it is almost a chicken or egg issue. You need to be firm in who YOU are and what YOU will tolerate i.e. "have a set"...however, when we get here to these boards we are afraid...afraid of losing our partners....so we become less that we deserve.

Think before you do what you think you need to do...make sure that you are okay with the outcome.

Have a plan of attack.

Do not react just in anger - boys do that. Men think chit through and then execute on a plan.

If you are going to go the route of confrontation are you really prepared for what may happen - are you scared?

Only You buddy know.....

Whatever you decide though...I have your back.

Finally, I couldn't help it but if I were you and I were the me that I am today....I would prepared for the worse...get all of my ducks in a row (legal, financial, etc.) and then and only then would I confront.

Why?

I would be operating from a position of strength instead of weakness.

I would now the battle I am going into.

I don't think you are ready...I think you are close...but not ready yet.

If you were ready....

Quote:
Ugh. I feel like she should BE there if she wants to see him, not out drinking again.

You would not pu**y foot around the above and instead would tell her...in a very loving way...how you FEEL and what it is that you will accept.

Peace
Eric

"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans