i just happened to read your last several posts. i've got a mlc h, pretty sure anyway. he's cheating away & has been for how long- i do not know. i always trusted completely and utterly- til finding out about ea - now, unfortunately i don't trust one word out of his mouth- nothing at all. it's pitiful. i share your mortification at how icky it is on a daily basis - and like you, i want to get "un stuck" - but am unsure still (1 yr found out about ea (s) for sure) (i'm thinkinf he was doing it all for three or 4 yrs before that. ow in other town(s). it's sickning isn't it?
anyway- he still sees her- i hate it absolutely. when he is not around me- he makes me sick. he is lots nicer- he thinks he can't (as in HE cannot) have sex with me. i think really- his guilt prevents him. i think he's afraid to try even- who the heck knows- i think i should initiate because it would be a great "healer" - possibly. i can't do it- i can't even think about it. i feel like i don't know this guy- so who the heck wants to with a wierd stranger? it's impossible without my brain being engaged and caring about this person. so , i know your quandry. can't go forward- can't go back- don't want to make a tragic mistake while i'm too raw & crazy- but can't stand it as it is.
i just wanted to say i understand & am there too- seems impossible nearly every day- but then i manage for one more day to make it thru the day and not run away totally. i'mnot sure why any more- i've KNOWN for 1.25 yr. I've speculate that it's been 3-4 yrs actually having affair- maybe some years before that e-mail affair. it's really incredibly disgusting to say this out loud i feel- but there you have it. my life has turned into jerry springer- i guess it happens to all sorts of decent people.
hope you find a way to cope- or an answer for you- or certainty or something. hope i do too- just wanted to say you're not alone. who ever would have imagined ending up here?
oh well- alive and healthy so far- so got that going for me. it takes it's toll - good luck- someone told me - "you can alwasy leave tomorrow". i've thought it a million gazillion times- i can always run away tomorrow- i guess whatever gets you thru one more day- one more nite-
someone else on this forum mlc - said view it as an automobile accident. it happened- no denying it. treat it like a car crash- stop the bleeding- address the wounds - oh hell- now that i'm trying to say it i can't remember exactly and can't find my original thread where it is-
anyway- point is- try and stop the bleeding- worry about rehab, etc. later. it helped somehow - it sure did happen and there's no "backs". accept that - and begin in the smallest of ways to move forward - even if it's only "stopping the bleeding" somehow- and taking the next breath -
