Lovely post, Wonder. Not in the sense of your confusion and pain, but in the way it was written.
Aye, there's the rub, all right. I just don't know the answer. My H hasn't said any of those things to me that your H said, and yet I somehow feel like he could well be thinking them (granting I could be wrong), and that he's at a similar place. Sometimes this DBing feels like playing some enormous chess game where the stakes are high, and wondering about what your next move could possibly be, and how each move could affect their counter moves and our own subsequent moves. I'm trying to feel what my intuition says. Maybe the best route is returning to the detaching, but not going dark. Maybe they could only believe they could come back if they really believe we are not destroyed by their actions? Because otherwise the guilt is too overwhelming and clouds their thinking? Thus bringing you back to the idea that the best thing to do is to work on yourself, for yourself, and figure out a route to happiness that doesn't depend on them.
I just don't know. Sigh. It is really hard to stop analyzing. Did you read the Da Vinci Code? That sounds off-topic, but I feel like I am in the same maze of puzzles, each one leading to another, all relating to man and woman.
