Your right, I am changing in the wind. I am confused, hurt, mad, lonely, what else can I ad? I am holding up the best I can. I am struggeling with my new life, I am not used to it and I don’t handle the change well but I have to deal with it. I read AT and Carnac’s posts and I am so happy for them, while they don’t have their W’s back yet, I think to myself, dang, these guys have it together! Don’t get me wrong, this isnt a competion but it goes to show all the improvements I need to make. I wish it was easier for me to make these changes, I wish they came natural to me, I wish they were easy for me to make, but there not, ok.
Rough... Look brother... We're all messes at one point or another. I mean, I read over some of my older threads and posts on occasion and see just how crazy bi-polar I seem at times.
Sometimes, we just need to vent here. Sometimes, we just need to write things out to see how they look once they're out there, or even to play devil's advocates toward ourselves.
I think we all get that.
And we ALL have either been on, or are currently on, these crazy roller coasters.
While I appreciate your words about me having it together... Well Rough, I can't make that proclamation myself. While I feel like I'm making steady progress, I have PLENTY of bad days, bad times, and backslides that remind me of how far I need to go.
I've been terrible at detaching. I'm terrible with my predilection to mind-read and over analyze every situation that's presented in my sitch.
But I recognize these things, and I AM actively trying hard to get "back to basics" so to speak... Get back to GALing, Working out more regularly (6 days a week, no more 2-3 like I've slipped into these last couple weeks), 180s, and just becoming a better person.
My motivation for that definitely lies heavily in the "Want to get back together with W" camp, which isn't necessarily the proper mindset to have, but I also definitely want to better myself FOR myself as well... More now than even a few months ago.
Most of these changes AREN'T easy to make... I still hate getting up so early in the morning to hit the gym, but it makes me feel better for the rest of the day. I still HATE coming home to an empty house and thinking about W right away, but I'm figuring out new things every day to stay occupied. I hate to be alone, but I'm learning to love the person I'm with when no one else is around.
All these things... You've got them inside you too. You wouldn't be here, pouring out your heart, fighting against seemingly insurmountable odds, picking yourself back up and soldering on day after day after day if you didn't.
25 is helping you there. We all need someone to hold a mirror to us in these situations, no matter how vile the reflection can be. And her advice and guidance is invaluable. You're lucky to have her following along on your threads.
Originally Posted By: roughenough
On a side note, I believe you commented on my lack luster writing skills. Sometimes I just come here to write 25. I am not necessarily seeking the approval of others. As I've said before, I am perfectly imperfect. Yes, I really appreciate the feedback but I like to write out my thoughts, it helps me out, it’s journaling. I know my writing is far from perfect. Sh!t you think this is bad, my writing is ten times better then a year ago, that’s for sure. I've done a ton of writing on this forum and that's forced me to improve my writing, even though it might not be evident.
Rough, I wouldn't take the writing skills thing too hard. Hell, I write for a living, but on this forum, I'm never at my best.
Have you seen how many damn ellipsis I use?... My editors would positively murder me if they saw that!
I often come to these boards when my head is spinning with half-baked thoughts, inward-facing aggression, or just out-and-out confusion. And that shows up on some of my posts.
Chatter even commented recently about my discombobulated posts of late... and re-reading them I realize he was right. However, I know that I mind-dump here from time to time... I know that I don't fully flesh out some of my thoughts or situations on occasion... and I know I've had a few too many and posted here a couple times too! But even those posts are very helpful, as they help clarify my confusion a day or two later, even if no one responds. And when someone does respond to ask for clarification, well that's even better!
Originally Posted By: roughenough
Some people are very methodical writers, maybe I should be? As you can tell, I just let my thoughts flow. I feel I am good at expressing myself, I might be all over the place but the fact is, I am at times.
There are times for methodical writing and times for total stream-of-conscience writing.
Originally Posted By: roughenough
I have a great future ahead of me. Things can only get better from here but I know I cant get through this alone 25, you even said at the end of your last post that I am not alone. If I want helpful feedback I need to be honest with you and with myself, that’s important. I think you and the other fine people on this forum can see the genuine me and that’s what I want. Enough for now, take care.
Rough
You're not alone Rough, no matter how lonely you feel at times. Know we're all here to give you advice or a 2x4 whenever you need it. I KNOW how grateful I am for all the help that's offered via these boards, and I know you are too.
Keep an open mind on the advice you receive. There's much wisdom to be learned in our mistakes and during confusing times.
