Rough: Trust me when I tell you that I dont have anything 'together', its a daily struggle to be positive. I think that i win the struggle more than i lose it lately, but I think like anyone else I have wanted to give up more than once.
Just for the record, im alot like you I think...I've spent my life not liking change....it makes me uncomfortable. And im TERRIBLE at being alone, I've been with my wife for 15 years...i've basically been 'in relationships' for the last 20+ years. Is it good for me to learn to be alone...probably so but it dang sure doesn't mean I like it. And the last few days have been wonderful for me....but the anxiety I feel while of a different sort is still much like the anxiety I had in the beginning...im having trouble concentrating at work....i bet i've checked this place 20 times today to see if anyone has posted in my thread...im having trouble sleeping again...i've been up the last two days an hour before my alarm goes off.
Its scary, and even more scary when you make that overture. I remember friends telling me for at least a month that I needed to try to have a talk with my wife....but I was scared to death to have a talk with her....it was actually easier to be ignored and avoided than it was to try to talk to her and be rejected. If you felt it was time to make that overture then it certainly was time....same as when you decide to give up....if you decide its time to quit standing then that is when you quit standing. Keep your head up this is not easy, and it is a credit to you that your willing to continue fighting for your marriage.
I apologize for being a little behind, but what have you done or are you doing to change you? Your wife loved you enough to marry you...why did she fall for you then and what is different now? These are the things you have to explore...for me I started taking myself and life in general way to seriously and forgot to smile and have fun. I forgot to be her friend first....and perhaps most importantly I didnt bother to ask her how she wanted to be loved. I dont know if I read it here or elsewhere b/c i've read so many things in the last few months but this statement made such a profound impact on me........the golden rule says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you....but thats not how it works in marriage....you have to do unto others the way they want to be done unto.
I hope that makes sense....I kind of butchered it I think but it makes sense in my head. LOL The point is that I tried to love my wife the way that I wanted to be loved.....my love languages if you will are words of affirmation and affection so its a huge deal to me for someone to say 'I love you' to me...so I made sure that I always said I love you to her multiple times daily....problem is her love language is more in tune with acts of service....doing something to lighten her burden if you will...and I didnt do that at all. Anyway, just something else to think about because as much as your focus is on 'getting your wife back' if you don't use this time to delve into the why's and how's then it won't matter in the long run because you'll end up in the same situation again down the road.
