Thanks so for posting this, Azure. I missed this. And wow.
My H has described to me EXACTLY these feelings... this is definitely what he was going through when he left home and well after.
The thing is, now, he's talked about this A LOT with me. And we've discussed how assumptions played into that, how he wasn't communicating with me any of this (but felt like he was trying to), how my medical problems played a role, how my focus was on trying to deal with my work sitch because I felt everything else WAS GREAT, how I truly believed all my ILYs and acts of service were showing him my love, how he thought withdrawing and saying he was having work problems was sending me a message, how he was trying to deal with this feeling that I was better off without him--even wanted to be somewhere else (this still blows my mind, even now because it is the exact opposite of everything I felt).
We've talked about how he regrets it all, regrets leaving and not talking to me, how painful it was and we were both reacting to that instead of responding to each other, how we have made mistakes handling this (esp. before DB).
We've talked about how could I forgive him, how I do forgive him, how he thinks people would say 'how could she ever take him back', how much he has wanted to come home, how hard it is, how he doesn't want to hurt OW.
We've talked SO MUCH, really.
So THIS is where I am truly lost. I feel like we really came to deep understanding of where we are, how we got there, etc. We have spent time together really enjoying one another.
We've talked about how he is scared. How he doesn't want it to end up back where it has been or fall apart as other R attempts have done (i.e., him leaving).
