This is something I read on BWriter's thread yesterday, from Zoo. I was pondering it because I too was wondering what OW can give that I can't...
I know this has to do with why the WAS originally left, but I wonder if the momentum that they create keeps them running away from us. That, and thinking if they jettison the whole R, they'll somehow expunge the depression, anger, and fear.
Quote: B,
THis is something I can give you from a WAS's perspective, having once been one myself.
You feel as if you are drowning, everything just becomes too much. NOTHING matters but freedom, freedom from all the pressures that M life can produce. You feel as though you have tried EVERYTHING to reach your S, to get them to understand you, listen...to SEE you. You have yelled, screamed, remained silent and/or walked away. you feel as if you are pounding your head against a brick wall and getting sucked into an emotional vacuum. You feel victimised, punished, humiliated, angry, tired adn fed up. On top of all this is GUILT...becuase you KNOW someone is going to get hurt no matter what you do. If you stay YOU get hurt. If you leave the S gets hurt. It ends up coming down to a perception of survival and you reach a point where SELF is the most important thing.
Self-survival generates the flight mechanism...it is basic instinct and to be honest i think NO ONE undrstands it, especially not the WAS. For the WAS it just becomes an imperative, if they don't leave or get out of the sitch they will die, whether that be physically, emotionally or metaphorically.
Some WAS want to get "their own" back for perceived wrongs, some want to be amicable about it, some just want to get while the getting is good. For some all of these occur depending on the day and mmod they are in.
It really isn't for the LBS to understand or even try to really. THe WAS rarely does themselves. All the LBS can do is accept the REALITY of what is happening to the WAS (it is a reality for them) and wait for them to understand it on their own.
