So here is where things stand as of this morning. I will be addressing certain points from many past posts as I am revewing them so here goes:
I would like advice on confronting in a loving way. And the setting of boundaries so that they are focusing on ME not her. With the first boundary being I will not try to fix the M with an OM in the picture ( but do I relegate her to other room or out of house until she quits A?? this was the essence of a previous ? of mine where I want to be firm but not push her to OM.) A second boundary is that I want us to go to counseling to help resolve the issues here. And a third point I need to bring up (but again not sure how to phrase) is how will she regain MY trust?? MIR
Ok boundaries.
They do not control.
You say what you have decided that you will not be in a relationship where adultery is happening. That she is free to leave the house and commit adultery.
Then state what you will do if she crosses that boundary. Such as you will file for divorce based on the grounds of Adultery.
You do not tell her that you will change for her. You do not beg. You do not yell. You do not cry away. You do not offer carrots or sticks. You do not say I will punish you or reward you.
You state your thoughts calmly and then you leave to let them sink in.
It is not a discussion or an argument. It is you stating your boundaries. There is no discussions about a boundary.
A boundary is a boundary.
If she breaks it.
Then you carry through in your plans to shore up the finances. Stop with R talks and what ever else you have decided.
It is her choice to work on the marriage or to commit adultery. There is nothing you can say or do to stop it from happening.
You can only state that you do not want it to happen and your actions if it does happen.
It is her choice to commit it.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
