I had one or two conversations with W within the last week. It was the first time in almost 5 months. It was time to take the temperature, so to speak. By doing so I might have given the impression I am “on the shelf.” I don’t regret having the dialog with her. I believe it sent her running a bit.
I don't know what that^^^ last part means...
It means I FINALLY made an overture to W for the first time in quite a while. I briefly told her how I felt about us. It was the first time in 5 months I told my W I love her, I am married and behaving as such, I am going to fight for her. She needed to hear it from me. It was time, she had no idea where I stood. I don’t know if it sent her running, it surely made her to reassess things between us. It was due to the distance between us, she thought I had moved on. I hope this gives you a bit more clarity?
25, I sincerely appreciate your time, effort and insight. I need to be called out on this stuff, I really do. Your talking to me about the foundation of what I need to do to rebuild myself, don’t you think? I know I have A LOT of work to do and your sheding light on it, which I appreciate. I know I don’t catch some of the things you guys see. Saying you’re critical is an understatement but I need the help, I need to wrap my arms around all this stuff.
Your right, I am changing in the wind. I am confused, hurt, mad, lonely, what else can I ad? I am holding up the best I can. I am struggeling with my new life, I am not used to it and I don’t handle the change well but I have to deal with it. I read AT and Carnac’s posts and I am so happy for them, while they don’t have their W’s back yet, I think to myself, dang, these guys have it together! Don’t get me wrong, this isnt a competion but it goes to show all the improvements I need to make. I wish it was easier for me to make these changes, I wish they came natural to me, I wish they were easy for me to make, but there not, ok.
You might not see it 25 but I AM TRYING VERY HARD.
On a side note, I believe you commented on my lack luster writing skills. Sometimes I just come here to write 25. I am not necessarily seeking the approval of others. As I've said before, I am perfectly imperfect. Yes, I really appreciate the feedback but I like to write out my thoughts, it helps me out, it’s journaling. I know my writing is far from perfect. Sh!t you think this is bad, my writing is ten times better then a year ago, that’s for sure. I've done a ton of writing on this forum and that's forced me to improve my writing, even though it might not be evident.
Some people are very methodical writers, maybe I should be? As you can tell, I just let my thoughts flow. I feel I am good at expressing myself, I might be all over the place but the fact is, I am at times.
I have a great future ahead of me. Things can only get better from here but I know I cant get through this alone 25, you even said at the end of your last post that I am not alone. If I want helpful feedback I need to be honest with you and with myself, that’s important. I think you and the other fine people on this forum can see the genuine me and that’s what I want. Enough for now, take care.
Rough
___________________________ Me:38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
